- Janice Garvey: My mother's not been to the toilet since Tuesday.
- Mick Garvey: Why? Is there no smoking in there?
- Madge: [after news of Troy and Mateo's affair is uncovered] What were they doing?
- Janice Garvey: I don't know. Couldn't see properly, it was dark.
- Madge: Well, I think it's disgusting.
- Chantelle Garvey: Was he bumming him?
- Mick Garvey: Do you mind? I've got a mouth full of nuts.
- [pauses to think]
- Mick Garvey: Hey, that's probably what the barman said!
- Kate Weedon: I think a daughter would be nice.
- Madge: Well, I'd get cracking if I were you, you're not exactly 21.
- Kate Weedon: Well, it's not quite as simple as that.
- Madge: No way? What's wrong with you?
- Kate Weedon: Not me.
- [Martin walks up to Kate]
- Martin Weedon: Sorry about that. I eventually found the bottle and it's empty. Had to get to the shop, not bad really, 8 euros.
- Madge: ell, I'm not surprised he's firing blanks with shorts that tight. He wants to get himself one of those baggy ones they're all wearing. Get some air between his bits, let'em breathe!
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: [When the shock sets in that Geoff and his mother have come second in the quiz] You've miscounted! We've both got 30 points, It's a tie!
- Janey York: You had "Whispering Grass" as Windsor Davies and Don Estelle. The answer is The Ink Spots.
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: They both had hits with it! You've got it wrong!
- [gets up]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: You've made a mistake!
- [pushes and shoves his way through crowd]
- Janey York: 'Ey, Lad!
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: Just give it to me, I'll show you!
- Mick Garvey: Get off!
- Mateo: Hey, Gordo, Get off the stage!
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: [pushes Mateo's hand away] Get off me! Get off me! *Nobody* beats The Oracle!
- Mateo: Get off the stage, Fat Boy, You lost! Just admit it; you don't know everything
- [talks in spanish and clicks fingers]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: I might not know everything, but I know all about *you*! You've been shagging everyone!
- [gasps from crowd]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: Him sat there!
- [points to Troy]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: , Yeah you with Mr. Blobby!
- [points to Gavin then points to Kate]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: Her sitting down there!
- [is restrained by Mateo and another man]
- Geoff Maltby - The Oracle: Look, He's tryin' to bum *Me* now! Get off me, you Spanish poof! Get off me!
- [is bundled out of Neptune's]