- Sakata Gintoki: What are you, some tantrum throwing brat who forgot to buy his Jump? Having no money is like having a sinus infection. You just have to ignore it and not pick at it, and it'll go away.
- [a group of samurai have surrounded Gintoki]
- Samurai: Now, fair and square.
- Sakata Gintoki: Heh. Fair? Don't make me laugh.
- [puts his hand on his sword... and runs away]
- Samurai: He's running! He turned tail and ran! After him!
- Sakata Gintoki: [escapes] In this modern age, sword fighting isn't the thing to do, you know. Sorry, but there's something I want to watch on TV at four.
- [Gintoki meets a samurai wearing a hat that covers his eyes]
- Sakata Gintoki: Why are you hiding your eyes like that? Have you been up all night playing Tetris?
- Okita Sougo: Goodbye, vice captain. Why don't you suck on some mayonnaise in the afterlife?
- [shoots a bazooka at Hijikata]
- Hijikata Toshiro: Oi Sougo, just what do you think you're doing? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
- Okita Sougo: Oh, no. It was just a joke. A joke! I'm always doing it, aren't I?
- Hijikata Toshiro: You're always trying to kill me?
- Samurai: We finally cornered you!
- Sakata Gintoki: What are you talking about? We LET you corner us.
- Kagura: Be thankful!
- Samurai: What the hell? Are you being a sore loser? Do you think we're idiots? You led us all around town!
- Kariya: How is that matter proceeding?
- Buu: Yes, it's going very well. Please take a look at this proposal.
- [hands him a thick stack of paper]
- Kariya: [reading] "The first party, henceforth referred to as the planners, shall hereby requisition"... I don't know what the hell this means! Is this some kind of legal bullshit?
- Shimura Shinpachi: Gin-san, this isn't looking good.
- Sakata Gintoki: Yeah, I know. It's not good to be reading Jump at my age.
- Kagura: That's true, the onigiri you roll taste terrible.
- Shimura Shinpachi: I don't mean either of those! I'm talking about this!
- Sakata Gintoki: Our checkbook?
- Kagura: Ha! Don't make fun of me. You can't eat a thing like that!
- Sakata Gintoki: The earth's rowdier than a group of five high school guys living under the same roof.
- Kagura: That's just not normal is it?
- Sakata Gintoki: Well, it happens in Jump.
- [in a fight, Gintoki's kimono is slashed]
- Sakata Gintoki: You ruined my best suit! My mom's gonna have my ass!