- Don Geiss is prepared to name Jack as his replacement instead of his future son-in-law, and Jack is ready to name Liz as his replacement. Tracy tries to create a pornographic video game.
- "30 Rock" - "Succession" - April 24, 2008
Pre-Credits
Don Geiss is admiring Jack's image on the cover of "The Bulb" magazine in Jack's office. Jack enters apologizing that he didn't know that he was here. He says he'd have his assistant Jonathan sit on his naughty stool if he didn't love it so much.
Don says no apologies as he was admiring Jack's "Bulb" cover. Jack helps him to sit and Don stumbles blaming his diabetes for light-headedness and blindness. Jack commiserates by saying we're all getting older sir. Indeed, Geiss mentions that his daughter and her fiancé (Jack's nemesis Devin Banks) are out choosing floral arrangements. Cut to Banks (the most excellent Will Arnett) flirting with the florist saying "Fire Island, really? I'd love to come out, fight the surf together, check each other for ticks." He calls his fiancée Kathy over to say he's found the perfect place for their honeymoon.
Back in Jack's office Jack says he's getting a fine son-in-law in Banks. Geiss says he knows Jack and Devin have been fighting over his job and that the pressure to succeed him has gotten to all of the contenders. He mentions one by name who's no longer in the running. Jack muses sadly, "The head of the stress ball department, hanged himself." Now it's between Jack and Banks. Don says it wasn't an easy decision and gives Jack the job. Jack turns red and starts to cry. Don says to keep it under his hat and to get a successor in place, someone he trusts. "Well I guess that rules out the Federal Reserve." They laugh.
Credits
In the writers room Liz is pacing and Frank- wearing a Trap Door trucker hat in which the second "O" is missing- is asking Liz what she wants to do. She berates his idiot face saying he looks like he sprang from the union of Gene Simmons and a basset hound. He replies, not cool, saying it's her fault. She's trying to figure out how she's to blame for them pulling an all-nighter and then Frank losing the whole script by downloading a virus on her computer. He defends that the subject of the email was the irresistible "check this out" and points out that if she hadn't created the show they wouldn't be there. Other writers concur, saying Liz sucks. Liz tearfully retorts that she didnt expect to end up here either "I had dreams, I was going to live with the gorillas!" And stalks out.
In Tracy's dressing room Kenneth is trying to guess the card in Griz's hand. He guesses the 8 of diamonds which we can see that it is. Griz says no. Tracy enters upset that his son left his "music stick" at home. Dotcom translates "his flute." Tracy drove to the school to give it to him and discovered that it was "bring your dad to school day." Cut to Tracy entering in a fur coat to see a doctor in scrubs at the front of the class and Tracy, Jr. sighing upon the sight of his dad. Back in the dressing room Dotcom is aghast and they ask what he did. Cut to Tracy clad only in red boxer shorts in the middle of the classroom waving the "bring your dad to school day" banner crying "if I'm such a bad dad, why are we all dancing?" No one else is dancing. In the dressing room Tracy laments that his son is ashamed of his father. Kenneth thinks that's horrible since "everyone knows the only thing we should be ashamed of is our bodies." Tracy says he has to show his kids that he's only a clown on tv and worthy of respect in real life. He thinks he needs to be something like a senator, or a wizard. Dotcom offers that he could open a school in Africa like Oprah. Tracy wants an idea that will change the world. They think for a nanosecond before Tracy shouts "Eureka!" They ask what his idea is, and he says "we should call Eureka, she always has good ideas!"
In the prop room Liz is reading a book called "More Human Than We" when Jack enters and startles her. She says that she was just reading about gorilla researchers for a sketch for the show: "we're making fun of them for devoting their lives to the jungle and its noble inhabitants." Jack spills the succession beans about becoming chairman of GE. She hugs him, which he marvels at as "ethnic." As they head down the hall he says the board approval is a formality since Geiss has stocked it with "the most sycophantic group of yes men this side of an Al Franken book signing." We go down the line of his golf and army buddies, family members, and hunting dogs.
Jack detects the scent of self-tanning cream and teeth whitener. He turns around to see Banks. He greets him by saying "Once they cast Clay Aiken in 'Spamalot' I knew it was only a matter of time until you showed up here." Banks says when he's chairman he'll go see him every week. Banks also announces he's having his bachelor party on the "TGS" stage. Liz balks and he seems to notice her for the first time saying "oh hey there little guy." He saunters off and Liz complains to Jack. Jack says to give him what he wants because even though he's got the job, the game isn't technically over and he needs to keep an eye on Banks.
In Tracy's dressing room, he's still trying to come up with something to impress the kids and seems to have hit on soda pop, which Kenneth points out has already been invented. "Dammit," Tracy says. "Why is leaving your children a legacy that will live forever so hard? It's been almost a half an hour!" Kenneth says it's time for a break. Tracy tries to choose between his two favorite past times: video games and pornography. Looking at the boxes gives him the idea for a porn video game.
In the elevator Liz tries to close the door before Banks gets on but he sneaks in. He says hi and asks where Jack is. She says she knows nothing about Jack. So, he asks, if she's aware of Jack selling NBC to some Germans. She says no. Banks says the rumor is he's trying to pull a "death spiral" by inflating the stock to sell it and make a killing. She says that's completely not true, that he was off with his girlfriend when that meeting happened. He laughs and says that getting info from her is as easy as "taking candy from one of those guys that hand out candy at gay nightclubs." A freaked Liz asks him to please not say anything. She offers him Kenneth. Banks says that he's straight now and that Geiss needs to know about Jack's plan. Liz says that he will then also need to know about the security camera footage of Banks cheating on his daughter with another woman. Banks spies the camera in the elevator and realizes Liz's plan with horror right before she plants one on him. He freaks and runs out.
Tracy has brought his porn-videogame plan to Frank who says it will never work since history's greatest perverts - Walt Disney, Larry Flynt, the Japanese- have already tried it but failed because of the "uncanny valley." He pulls out a chart and explains as artificial recreations of humans become more realistic they stop being endearing and start becoming creepy. Tracy asks him to tell it to him in "Star Wars." Frank explains that on the upward curve there's cute C-3PO and R2D2- who Tracy likes- and at the top is Han Solo- who Tracy loves- but in between there is a deep dip representing CGI stormtroopers and Tom Hanks in "Polar Express." Tracy cries, "I'm scared get me out of there." Frank explains that this is the valley. But Tracy is undeterred saying his genius will not be denied.
Liz shows Jack the security footage and he says it's good to have her in his corner. She claims to get through it she pretended he was a sandwich. As she goes to leave he asks her where she sees herself in five years. She replies, "Realistically? Teaching improv on cruise ships." He promotes her to head of east coast television and microwave oven programming. Liz wonders when he got microwaves back. He says she will be his successor. She declines emphatically saying she's not an executive, but a creative person. He shows her the salary. She slaps him. Cut to Liz striding into the writers room proclaiming "suck it monkeys, I'm going corporate!"
At the Rainbow Room Jack and Liz are at lunch with some execs gossiping about when the board's going to make its decision on a successor. Jack says he wouldn't know anything about that. Liz, with an updo and in a suit, suggests changing the subject to sucking at golf so Donaghy has something to talk about. She apologizes immediately to Jack who tells her not to worry, she's a natural at exec speak. She admits to feeling pretty drunk. He points out that it's business drunk, which is like rich drunk, which in either case, means she's legal to drive.
One older man says let's do some work and Liz yells "You suck Stan!". They all laugh. Jack starts talking microwave development and new buttons. Liz says she likes the old button. Jack dubs it "button classic" and they all love it. They toast. Jack points out she's just saved the company two million in R&D. She wonders what if she's wrong. He points out that there is no wrong, only finding a subordinate to blame. He says it's time for her to meet the old man.
As Mozart's "Requiem in D Minor" plays and the "Amadeus" parody begins, the scene opens on Tracy feverishly working on a pile of papers in his dressing room. Kenneth is impressed and frightened. Tracy says for the first time in his life he knows his purpose. He's doing this for the kids. He says his genius has come alive "like toys when your back is turned." Pete comes to the door exasperated that Tracy is needed in wardrobe. When he tells him that he's inventing a porn video game Pete announces "let this man work, no one is to disturb him." Frank comes along and tells Pete that it can't be done.
Liz stumbles into the writers room saying "hey nerds, guess who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today, this moi" pointing her thumbs at herself. Pete hustles her to the side and says he can't believe she's leaving him. She promises to promote him. He says he doesn't want to be an executive. She shows him the salary. He slaps her.
Later that night hot chicks in skimpy clothes are dancing on the "TGS" stage for Banks bachelor party. Jack brings Liz to meet Geiss who calls her "the gal who pioneered the button classic campaign." He asks where Jack's been hiding her. He asks her to fetch him a pastry to up his blood sugar. She jokes that she works for tips. He compliments her charm and spark likening it to that of a young Leona Helmsley.
The "Amadeus" parody resumes in Tracy's dressing room, which is now covered in crumpled paper, with Tracy asleep on the couch. Kenneth tells an entering Frank not to disturb him. Frank picks up the pages on the table and reading them begins to cry calling Tracy a genius.
Back at the party, Banks is dejected. Liz, wasted, boogies up to Jack with a glass of wine and calls Banks a loser sitting all alone and sad. "He's like me, yesterday. I hate him." Jack says he's starting to feel sorry for him. Liz snorts and asks if Jack has his period and hands him a tampon. He puts it in his pocket as she struts off looking for more "business juice."
Jack asks Banks if he's enjoying the party. He says he is and can't wait to take his sexual energy back to Kathy. Jack says marrying Kathy isn't worth it. Banks admits that he's not miserable because of Kathy, but because Geiss told him he's not getting the job.
Liz brings Geiss his pastry but he's passed out. She blurgs.
Banks tells Jack to go ahead and gloat. Jack says he won't and that he understands Banks pain. They express their mutual "hate-respect."
Liz grabs Jack and tells him she thinks Geiss is dead. He says they must call Dr. Spaceman.
The "Amadeus" parody continues as Mozart's "Symphony No. 25 in G Minor" plays during the following vignettes:
A caped Dr. Spaceman sweeping out of the elevator like Dracula and dashing through the halls. Tracy dictating to a furiously scribbling Frank in his dressing room. Jack and Liz dragging Geiss's body from the room. A masked stripper caressing Banks. Kenneth searching through the halls holding a candle. Spaceman stopping mid-dash to buy something at the vending machine. Frank trashing his desk, ripping up magazines, and destroying videotape screaming "I've given my whole life to porn and he does it in one day. One day!"
Spaceman examines Geiss, and when Jack asks for a diagnosis, tells him that Geiss is in a diabetic coma. Jack tells him to do whatever he can. Spaceman injects him with a placebo. Since Jack only needs him to say one sentence he wants Spaceman to inject something right into his heart. Spaceman says since every human is different he has no way of knowing where Geiss's heart is. Board members start coming in and wondering what's wrong. Liz blames Jorgenson. Jack claims he's in control since Geiss told him so. Liz backs him up. Jack points out that Banks can also back him up. Banks says he doesn't know what Jack is talking about and cries over Geiss's body. Spaceman picks up the phone, dials "411" and asks for "Diabetes repair, I guess".
The next day Liz apologizes to Jack and says she should stay at "TGS." She also mentions she got "business sick" on her new suit. He reminds her of "button classic" and says they both had a mixed day and calls it business. He's still the best candidate for Geiss' job and thinks the board will want to fulfill his pre-coma wish.
Mozart's "Symphony No. 25 in G Minor" plays as Banks is in Jack's office. Jack tries to throw him out. Banks tells him that he convinced the board last night to make Kathy her father's successor. He says that as her fiancé, he will give her guidance, and kicks a flabbergasted Jack out.
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