- George O'Grady: [about his friend wearing cowboy boots] The closest you ever got to a cow was when you stopped to take a wiz at a Dairy Queen.
- [after a woman drops some of her groceries on the street]
- George O'Grady: Hey, lady, you dropped some of your stuff.
- [George is offering to drive Beck to Connecticut]
- Dr. Neil Beck: You drive a cab?
- George O'Grady: People are always so surprised to hear that. Either they think it's a tragic waste of potential, or they can't believe I'm allowed to operate a big machine.
- Dr. Neil Beck: Well, for me, it's a little of both.
- George O'Grady: Really?
- Dr. Neil Beck: [sheepishly] No, it's mostly the machine thing.
- Dr. Neil Beck: There's nothing in life more awkward than obligatory conversation with hair stylists and cab drivers. No offense.
- George O'Grady: Yeah, thanks. Well, no offense, but there's nothing I find more awkward than humoring a schmuck.
- George O'Grady: [about a book George is interested in] Look at this title: "You Picked Me Up, Now Put Me Down."
- Henry Nsnjama: Yes, well, George, I take care of my steady customers. For you, I look out for UFOs, conspiracy theories, and cattle mutilations.
- George O'Grady: God, I love those cattle mutilations, Henry. Listen, I'm a little short of cash. You want to hang onto this for me, please?
- Henry Nsnjama: Oh, yes, George, I will try. But I can't make any promises. You are not the only nut in town, you know.
- George O'Grady: Maybe not, but I'm in the top three.