- Dobie Gillis: There's some people in this town who say that my friend Maynard G. Krebs is peculiar, odd, eccentric, weird, strange. I'm one of those people. But there's a difference. You see, I love Maynard, and I never laugh at him. I cry at him, pretty often, but laugh - no.
- Dobie Gillis: [in a dream sequence Dobie sees Maynard and himself as little boys on Christmas] Yeah, I remember that Christmas past. We were about four years old. Maynard had just flunked out of nursery school - for the third time.
- Dobie Gillis: What makes you so sure I want to come to your party?
- Chatsworth Osborne Jr.: Oh, you'll be there, Gillis baby. Just wait till I bewitch you with a list of entertainers.
- Dobie Gillis: Oh, sure, sure. I bet you're gonna have Peggy Lee, Tommy Sands, Dinah Shore and Frank Sinatra sing in a quartet, with background music by Thelonius Monk and the Kingston Trio.
- Chatsworth Osborne Jr.: They're for the intermission show.