Rental Reviews (TV Series)

Kazaam Review (1996) Starring Shaq the Rapping Genie (2019)

Justin Silverman: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• James Rolfe : I'm laughing right now, because I think, for the first time ever, uh, since we've been doin' this, I was like thinking, like, how cool would it be to have Shaq Fu- or, Shaq Fu, Shaquille O'Neal here, and then I was like, measuring the room, like, I don't know if he'd fit in the room.

  Justin Silverman : The thing is, he could be sitting here, and he'd STILL be too tall.

• Genie : My name's Shitty 3D Genie and I'm here to say, I like grantin' wishes in a major way. Go Genie, go Genie, go Genie, go Genie!

  Antonio Piluso : Okay, for my first wish, Genie, I want all copies of "Speed" to turn into copies of "Speed 2: Cruise Control".

  Genie : Well that movie sucks, but your wish is my command.

  [a VHS tape of "Speed" turns into "Speed 2: Cruise Control"] 

  Kieran Fallon : ...You're a monster.

  Antonio Piluso : For my second wish, I'd like all copies of "Road House 2" to be erased from existence.

  Genie : You got it, dude.

  [a VHS tape of "Road House 2" disappears] 

  Antonio Piluso : For my third wish, I'd like "Lost World: Jurassic Park" to be replaced by "Jurassic Park III"...

  Kieran Fallon : No, no, no. That's it. You already took away "Speed", you're not takin' away "The Lost World". "Jurassic Park III" sucks, I don't even understand why you like it.

  Antonio Piluso : You know what? My third wish? I don't want Kieran in the review today.

  Genie : No problemo.

  Kieran Fallon : You can suck my-

  [is replaced by Justin Silverman] 

  Justin Silverman : Oh ho! I'm allowed back at the store?

  Antonio Piluso : No.

  James Rolfe : Careful what you wish for.

• Justin Silverman : [discussing "Kazaam"]  It's fun. It's a fun movie.

  Antonio Piluso : No it's not! What- why do you hate good movies and then like trash like this? You shat on "Caddyshack", but ya love this Shaq, you sad sack.

  [pokes Justin with a cane] 

  Antonio Piluso : God dammit.