- Brendan Dorff: I have to turn these blueprints in tomorrow to the hard-hat man.
- Kenny Moritorri: Is that his official title?
- Bobby Newman: [about his dating PJ] So, I should tell the guys.
- P.J. Franklin: No. No. No.
- Bobby Newman: Why not?
- P.J. Franklin: They're like a school of piranhas, right? No, they will take the baby deer that is our relationship and they will tear it to bits.
- Bobby Newman: What is a baby deer doing in the Amazon?
- P.J. Franklin: Lost its way?
- Bobby Newman: Okay.
- P.J. Franklin: See, the point is that they will tease us mercilessly.
- Bobby Newman: Come on, they're not that bad.
- P.J. Franklin: Brendan - he finally gets his dream job, right? - and they treat him like he showed up to class in his underpants.
- Bobby Newman: Okay, that is true, but to be honest with you, watching Brando pore over blueprints is like... like watching a bear try to fold a map. It... Wow, I'm doing it, too!
- P.J. Franklin: You see?
- Bobby Newman: What have they done to me?
- P.J. Franklin: I don't know. You used to be so nice.
- Bobby Newman: Man, it's like I want to support Brendan, I just... don't remember how.
- P.J. Franklin: And, they will be relentless. I mean, they will mock us until we break up, and then they will mock us for that.
- Bobby Newman: You're right. You're absolutely right. But they know you're dating somebody, so how do we handle that?
- P.J. Franklin: Well, they don't really have the longest attention span. I mean, I'm sure right now they're wondering who would win in a fight, a badger or a raccoon.
- Bobby Newman: Which is ridiculous because obviously it would be a badger. And why are there so many animals in this conversation?
- Bobby Newman: [observing Brendan] What is he doing?
- Kenny Moritorri: Looks like he's working?
- Bobby Newman: [pulling out his cell phone] It IS what it looks like. His parents'll want a picture, right?
- Brendan Dorff: I am not a circus freak.
- Kenny Moritorri: No, circus freaks don't default on their student loans.
- Mike Callahan: Remember how we always wondered what kind of girl entered a wet t-shirt contest? I met them.
- P.J. Franklin: Wow, I always thought that was a myth, you know, like scholar-athletes or unicorns.
- Mike Callahan: Look, the best way to get over an emotional tragedy is with, uh, quick, meaningless, potentially embarrassing sex.
- Mike Callahan: Oh, dude, you are so lucky to live with a woman.
- Brendan Dorff: Oh, dude, it's like shaving with honey.
- Andy Franklin: [ordering pizza from the van on his cell phone] Look, it's just four guys in a gray minivan across from the grade school.
- Stephanie Layne: Maybe this is your problem. You're even picky about the fake people you're not really dating.