- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Are you wearing that to the shoot?
- Devin: You like? The top and bottom, match!
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: You look like fat Scott Calvin from "The Santa Clause."
- Devin: That's what I was going for!
- Devin: [holding out a bread bag soaked with milk] Wet milk bread?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: I'm good.
- Devin: [shrugs] More for me.
- Frank Butts: If you feel like you're in danger, you are. If you feel like you're not in danger, you are. If you feel like someone else is in danger, you soon will be.
- Devin: This is honestly the most boring job we've ever done, including that office safety demonstration we filmed.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: That's what we're doing right now.
- Devin: We're still doing it?
- Joan: Did you see the gift basket we left you?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: I was too busy setting it on fire.
- Joan: So you did see it?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: I... closed my eyes.
- Joan: You were handling fire with your eyes closed?
- Ryan: Don't worry, Zona. Things always go wrong for us, then somehow people keep paying us. Not enough - I don't have enough money for my heart medication - but I do have hope! Except when I'm afraid, which is always, so I never have hope. Why would I? Things are bad. It is a hopeless netherscape out there, and we but wary travelers. And here's the thing! It's okay, because we all die one day!
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Was that a pep talk?
- Owen Darby: You have a heart condition?
- Ryan: I wouldn't know. I haven't been to a doctor in years.
- Vanessa: Out of curiosity, what exactly did I just watch?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Our pitch video.
- Vanessa: That video didn't even have the name of your company.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Yeah, it did.
- Micah: It's Video Production Company.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Video Production Company.
- Devin: Video Production Company.
- Vanessa: Your video production company is called... Video Production Company?
- Devin: I don't like your tone. What do you call that? It's just a stapler. It doesn't need a fancy name.
- Vanessa: This is a computer mouse. Aren't you an editor?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Why were you asleep?
- Micah: Ask Ryan.
- Ryan: I woke up at 4 AM and couldn't fall back to sleep.
- Micah: Yeah, so he decided to do all the loudest stuff known to man.
- Ryan: [in a flashback] Well, these rock-hard plantains aren't going to eat themselves.
- Ryan: [in a flashback] Time to fold this old tissue paper.
- Ryan: [in a flashback] Now that they're folded, time to unfold them!
- [muffled screaming from Micah]
- Ryan: [in a flashback] Oh, man, is there a hole in my maraca blanket?
- Micah: Was the verbal commentary necessary?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: I'm running a video production company now.
- Joan: Oh, that's right! Didn't you make a commercial for that janitor school? A commercial that sucked?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Would you like to hire us for your next ad or not?
- Vanessa: No. I thought that would have been clear.
- Micah: Well, joke's on you. Very few things are clear to us!
- [Micah, Devin, Ryan, and Owen start high-fiving]
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Wait, no! Do not high-five! Do not high-five!
- Micah: Sometimes I keep my money in the couch cushions 'cause it's the safest place.
- Owen Darby: It's literally not.
- Micah: I don't trust the banker man, Owen.
- Joan: And I can give you the Krispy Gold Card - unlimited doughnuts and liposuction for life.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: [with Devin] No consequences...
- Owen Darby: A pretty girl paid me to be in a medical study!
- Micah: What did she have you do?
- Owen Darby: Check it out!
- [pulls up his shirt to show rows of red welts]
- Micah: Oh, I can feel the heat from over here!
- Owen Darby: I am very allergic to whatever she did to me.
- Devin: [scoffs] What does she know? Did you see what she was wearing?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Yeah, it's pretty cool.
- Devin: Yeah.
- Owen Darby: All right, we've got $400 out of $4,000.
- Ryan: [singing to the tune of "Livin' on a Prayer"] Oh, we're halfway there, ooh, math is not my strong suit.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Devin and I donated plasma. Eight times each.
- Micah: They let you do that?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: We were in disguise.
- Frank Butts: I don't care how sweaty you are. It's still not enough.
- Ryan: Where's Devin?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: [delirious] Devin's not here? Maybe she never was. You made her up, Zona. Yeah, you did.
- [pause]
- Frank Butts: She should sit down.
- Joan: We'll give you $50,000 a year.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: What?
- Joan: Fine, $60,000!
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: What?
- Joan: $70,000?
- Devin: Keep saying 'what'!
- Micah: We can't do anything without Zona!
- Ryan: Yeah! Last week, I got my belt loop hooked on a coat rack, and she got me down.
- Devin: She's our producer.
- Owen Darby: Yeah. My visionary directing would be nothing without her grunt moose work.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Why can't you guys have normal neighbors?
- Micah: Hey, he's actually pretty harmless. He just wants to be our friend to an extremely uncomfortable degree.
- Mr. Gandolfini: [pops up in the window] Are we not friends?
- Micah: Get out of here, you old crow!
- Ryan: I made $300!
- Owen Darby: Good glory!
- Micah: Ryan, your hands!
- Ryan: They're cool, right? I rubbed the fingerprints off!
- Micah: Oh, now you're a man of mystery!
- [Micah and Ryan high-five, then Ryan screams]
- Devin: Zona, I sold our apartment lease and all of our furniture to a man in a van.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: What? Where are we gonna live?
- Devin: Van Man traded me for this!
- [holds up a foldable tent in a bag]
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Please tell me there's a two-bedroom house in that bag.
- Devin: Better! It's an old tent with a dark past. Take that, Butts!
- Owen Darby: Wait, Van Man traded you for it? So you didn't get any money at all?
- Devin: Oh, wow. Plasma's a lot more important to brain function than I realized.
- Joan: All of us saw you sign this. I can still argue that it's legally binding.
- Owen Darby: Oh, really?
- [eats the contract]
- Joan: No!
- Owen Darby: Why was that delicious?
- Joan: We deep-fry our stationery.
- Owen Darby: Oh, my.
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: Joan, how do you always know where I am?
- Joan: Your tweets are extremely specific.
- Joan: Don't you miss the crowds chanting your name?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: I was great. I played stadiums.
- Joan: And now you're digging through a dumpster for food.
- Devin: Hey! Our food dumpster's three blocks down, lady! Get your dumpsters straight! We're digging in this one for money, because we stabbed a guy. Heh.
- Ryan: How are we gonna find $4,000 in six hours? We're broke poor!
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: You don't have to say both. They mean the same thing.
- Devin: Did you mean to sign the wrong name?
- Arizona 'Zona' Goodwin: No, I think I have brain damage.
- Devin: Yeah, I think I dark tip.
- Owen Darby: We have to peddle our wares. Who has wares?
- Micah: Owen, you know we don't have any wares! We live in a ramshackle shanty house!
- Ryan: Shanty house slash office!
- Owen Darby: [leaps on an office desk] Who wants to buy my pants? They're twelve years old, minimal holes. Two thousand dollars!
- Owen Darby: No one wanted to buy my pants.
- Joan: I'll buy your pants... except not. But I will buy you.
- Owen Darby: I'm not for sale. Who are you? How much money? Sold!