The Bill Engvall Show (TV Series)

Feel Free to Say No (2007)

Bill Engvall: Bill Pearson

Quotes 

• Bill Pearson : Nate! No marching with the Kleenex.

• Bill Pearson : [about his missing python]  How come you're not out finding that viper of yours?

  Bryan Pearson : She's not a viper. She's a constrictor. Pythons rarely bite, they crush their prey. Normally nothing larger than a wombat, so you're safe dad.

  Bill Pearson : I don't care if it doesn't bite and it's on Jenny Craig. Find it.

  Bryan Pearson : Yes sir.

• Susan Pearson : [recounting the stressful day she's had]  Well, first I get a call from Trent's teacher, letting us know he's got a five page report due tomorrow. Lauren rearended someone. No one was hurt, thank God. Raffles freaked out when Bryan's python got loose and I have to make five dozen cookies.

  Bill Pearson : There's a snake loose in this house?

• Edda : Do you love me?

  Bill Pearson : You know I love you.

  Edda : Lone me $400.

• Bill Pearson : [to Susan]  Oh alright, you wanna argue about this? Then let's argue naked.

  Susan Pearson : [Susan gives Bill a weird smile]  What?

• Bill Pearson : Bryan, if I run into that snake, he's gonna be wearing a shovel for a hat.