Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Pimemento (2020)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jake Peralta : Hey, it was nice of you to let Pimento crash at your place last night. How'd it go?

  Charles Boyle : Oh, well, he gave Nikolaj a haircut while he was asleep, but no weird memory stuff, so all in all, major win.

  Jake Peralta : Great, so it sounds like he might be getting better.

  Adrian Pimento : Ah, someone's trying to kill me!

  Jake Peralta : Oh, boy, here we go again

  Adrian Pimento : Ah, gah!

  Jake Peralta : Pimento, Pimento, Pimento! Don't worry. Everything's okay. You've had some brain trauma, and it caused you to lose your memory. You're scared that you're in danger, but there is no evidence that anyone is trying to kill you. You're safe.

  Adrian Pimento : Wait, wait, really? Whew, okay.

  [chuckles] 

  Adrian Pimento : Thank you. I was really worried, you know, 'cause of this gunshot wound.

  Jake Peralta : Oh, my God, someone's trying to kill you!

• Amy Santiago : [On the phone, about Jake keeping their efforts to have a baby secret from Boyle]  Hey, just checking in. How's it going with Charles? I know how hard this is for you. Have you told him anything?

  Jake Peralta : Nope, we're still all good. He has no idea that we are growing a Whomping Willow in your Chamber of Secrets.

  Amy Santiago : Well, I have to get back to the seminar. Also, you've ruined sex forever.

• Adrian Pimento : Huh, I'm really scared, Jake. I'm really scared.

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, I know, just try and look at one thing and focus only on that until I can get Charles out here to help.

  Adrian Pimento : Okay, okay. Ooh, there's a juicy old person butt in that window.

  Jake Peralta : Why's it gotta be juicy and old?

  Adrian Pimento : I don't know, but I'm grateful for it.

• Jake Peralta : [Reading Pimento's tattoos]  Okay, this one says "Buy toilet paper" in a truly gigantic font. I hate to think of the horrific event that led to a reminder of this size.

  Charles Boyle : This says your bank account number is 432211378, then just under that, "Someone saw this and stole your money."

• Jake Peralta : So you wanna talk about what happened before?

  Charles Boyle : You mean the "you telling Pimento and not me that you're trying to make a baby" thing?

  [stammers and squeaks] 

  Charles Boyle : No, no, I'm totally fine. Hey, coffee guy, how would you like be godfather to my son? Because a position just opened up.

  Jake Peralta : Okay, we're talking about this. Look, you're being unfair. There's some things in my life with Amy that are just between her and me, and I need you to be okay with that.

  Charles Boyle : Fine. You're right. I get it. I mean, it's not like you told anyone else.

  Jake Peralta : Right. I mean... We told Rosa.

  Charles Boyle : Rosa, that dud? Oh, why her and not me?

  Jake Peralta : Sometimes you can be a little much.

  Charles Boyle : [Very upset]  A little much? A little much!

  Jake Peralta : Yes, a little much.

  Charles Boyle : Well, maybe, Jake, I have "Finding Dory" Disease too because right now I can't remember why we ever were friends!

  Jake Peralta : Okay, see, once again, that was a little over the top.

  Murk : Excuse me, my godson's dad, the crazy guy just ran away.

  Jake Peralta : Oh, my God, he's gone. Pimento is gone.

  Charles Boyle : Just like our friendship!

• Jake Peralta : So you still annoyed?

  Amy Santiago : Yes. You can't keep saying "mischief managed" after we finish sex.

  Jake Peralta : It's what Harry Potter says when he needs to clear the Marauder's Map.

  Amy Santiago : Obviously, I know that, but I would prefer to keep wizard terms out of our sex life.

  Jake Peralta : But what we're doing is magical. We're making a baby.