Matthew Cottle: Malcolm

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Laura : Ready? OK, Winston, the world is watching! Tits out, tummy in.

  Winston : Citizens of the Independent State of Flatby, it gives me great pride and pleasure as Mayor of Flatby to...

  Julie : Uh, no no no. Sorry, not Mayor.

  Winston : What?

  Laura : Julie, shut up.

  Julie : But he's no longer Mayor.

  Winston : [indicating chain of office]  So what's this then, my bloody tonsils?

  Malcolm : She means that Mayor is an English title.

  Julie : You are now Head of the Administrative Board.

  Winston : Oh good, I'm so glad; it's nice to know who you are. It gives me great pleasure as Head of the Administrative Board of the Indepndent State of Flatby to inaugurate this border crossing and unveil this wonderful sign.

• Malcolm : Deidre, what the hell are you doing?

  Deidre : Historic tours.

  Malcolm : But there was no battle in this playground!

  Deidre : Yes, there was; Johnny said so.

  Malcolm : But it's not the truth!

  Tourist : We didn't come here for the truth. You can go to Torquay for the truth.