The Good Place (TV Series)

Mondays, Am I Right? (2020)

Ted Danson: Michael

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Quotes 

• Michael : Take a seat. Janet will give you Tahani's file.

  Vicky : Oh, no, I don't need her file. I know Tahani very well: self-obsessed, family issues, way too into being tall.

  Tahani Al-Jamil : Typical Vicky, throwing shade. But it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm casting it. Because I'm closer to the sun. I'm tall.

• Michael : I'm upset because for hundreds of years, I've had a job. First it was finding a better way to torture humans, then helping them, then proving the system was broken, then teaching the demons. I had to roll a rock up a hill, over and over. And then it kept rolling down, so I had to do it again. And then Vicky comes along with this... like, rock-lifter thing, and just lifts it to the top of the hill. Pushing the rock up the hill gave me a purpose. Who am I... if the rock is gone?

• Michael : You telling me that there's not one single demon who wants to design the very first sample test of this new system?

  Vicky : [enters and poses seductively in the door frame]  Oh, there is. And she's a stone cold fox.

• Michael : Where are you off to?

  Vicky : I have an ice-cold yoga class. It's amazing, you pull so many muscles.

• Janet : Michael, why did you fire Vicky?

  Michael : Look, I know she did well on the first test, but it's beginner's luck. There's an X factor here. A secret sauce that only I truly know how to... pour over the the juicy steak of this process.

  Janet : I've never said this before but... what?

• Michael : I'm sorry that I kicked you out. It wasn't about you. It was just my own insecurities getting in the way. Will you please come back?

  Vicky : No. I'm not gonna let myself be degraded by you again. I am a strong, independent acid snake in the skin suit of a strong, independent woman.

• Michael : Take a seat. Janet'll give you Tahani's file.

  Vicky : Oh, no, I don't I don't need her file. I know Tahani very well self-obsessed, family issues, way too into being tall.

  Tahani Al-Jamil : Typical Vicky, throwing shade. But it doesn't matter 'cause I'm casting it. Because I'm closer to the Sun.

  [pauses, grinning] 

  Tahani Al-Jamil : I'm tall.

• Michael : Okay, so couple of things. We're not using chainsaw bears anymore, remember?

  Megan : Right. Okay, yeah. What else?

  Michael : It was mainly that one thing.

• Phil : Screw this. I'm not working for a traitor. Phil out. That's my name, Phil.

  Michael : Oh, Phil, hey. Come on, buddy. I personally chose you based on your innovative work in the Performative Wokeness department.

  Phil : Wow. Way to mansplain my own department to me. And I'm triggered.