- [first lines]
- Newsreader: Following Flatby's historic victory in the courts yesterday, the people of the newly independent state declared today a public holiday, and held a street party. No arrests were made. This is Corbet Thomas for the Lunchtime News.
- Deidre: Good morning, Flatby. This is the Deidre hour. Today I want to talk about public morality. I'm afraid we are becoming like Sodom and Gomorrah, and we know what happened in those two Irish towns.
- [last lines]
- Winston: Citizens of Flatby. By the powers vested in me I'd like to present this key of the town to our first natural-born citizen.
- [applause]
- Sally: Thank you, thank you.
- Laura: What's his name?
- Sally: Oh, yes! Well, in recognition of his place in Flatby history, I have named him after the gallant men of our first cabinet. He is Winston Johnny Malcolm Bertrand Palmer.
- [applause]
- Sally: He will be known as Bert.
- Laura: [to Simon] Flatby's first citizen. Another little bastard.
- Simon: You're not taking this a touch personally, are you?
- Gareth: Me? Taking it personally? My knighthood is history. My ulcer has developed ulcers of its own, and the Prime Minister has deliberately kicked my bicycle, and you think I'm taking this personally? Now, why would you think that?
- Simon: Wild guess?
- Gareth: Well, you're wrong.