- Edward Stratton III: Laser light shows are produced by a lot of extremely sophisticated, very expensive, high-tech equipment, right? Now how's Herbie Hobecker's little gizmo possibly going to duplicate that effect?
- Kate Summers: I'll get back to you on that.
- Edward Stratton III: Kate, there's no market for it.
- Kate Summers: Oh, yeah? Well, it's a good thing Jeffrey Cutruzzula didn't listen to the doubters and the skeptics.
- Edward Stratton III: Who is Jeffrey Cutruzzula?
- Kate Summers: "Who is Jeffrey Cutruzzula?" Only the man who invented... the duck phone!
- Edward Stratton III: Kate, they already invented something for use at gala occasions of all descriptions. It's called the accordion.
- Derek Taylor: It just so happens that I've planted a live bug on my father's person. We could tune in to him, wherever he may be. Right now!... Let's listen.
- Edward Stratton III: You are doing exactly what Mr. Bartman hoped you'd do.
- Ricky Stratton: ...I am?
- Edward Stratton III: You're enjoying science.
- Edward Stratton III: [reading Ricky's teacher's note] "Dear Mr. Stratton, this is to inform you that your son's conduct in my class is belligerent, uncooperative, and disruptive. He's a rug cleaner, and the other students follow his lemons."
- Ricky Stratton: Dad, that's "ringleader." And the other kids follow my "lead."
- Edward Stratton III: Hi, son. How was school?
- Ricky Stratton: School?
- Edward Stratton III: Yeah. You know that big building with all the kids?
- Ricky Stratton: Well, it, uh... wasn't one of my best days, Dad.
- Edward Stratton III: Well, they can't all be great days, son. Heck, I remember several crummy days when I was in school.
- [chuckles]
- Edward Stratton III: Like the day I had to stand up and give a book report, my zipper was broken. Or the day I was in chorus rehearsal, and my voice changed.
- [laughs]
- Ricky Stratton: Or like the day when the teacher would send you home with a note to your father.
- [laughing]
- Edward Stratton III: Hand it over.
- Ricky Stratton: I see what you're saying, Dad. See, we have a science fair coming up, and I'm gonna make a project that's gonna win first prize. It's gonna be the most fantastic, unbelievable, incredible science project anyone's ever seen!
- Edward Stratton III: That's the spirit, son! What's it gonna be?
- Ricky Stratton: I don't know!
- [first lines]
- Derek Taylor: Hey, Rick, let's get to science class early and throw spit wads on the ceiling over Mr. Bartman's desk. They'll dry out and fall all over him.
- [chuckles]
- Ricky Stratton: Hello, remember we did that to Miss Wibbles? One of those things fell on her hair and stayed there the rest of the semester. Besides, somehow Mr. Bartman will figure out I was involved. He's always on my case.
- Derek Taylor: That's 'cause you don't know how to handle old Barfbag. I do.
- Ricky Stratton: Hmm. Sure. You suck up to him.
- Derek Taylor: Derek Taylor sucks up to no man.
- [Edward comes downstairs]
- Derek Taylor: Why, top of the morning, Mr. Stratton, sir. And kudos to you on those elegant yet perfect for everyday wear pants.