Psych (TV Series)
If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Dead? (2007)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Photos
Quotes
-
Shawn Spencer : The meeting's at two, we'd better hurry.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : [checking his watch] It's two-eighteen.
Shawn Spencer : Well, *somebody* had to to have the Belgian chocolate fondue, didn't they?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : That was you, Shawn.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : Well played, sir.
-
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Now, kissing someone for the first time can be tricky business. I like to employ the Kadeem Hardison method. When you're on a date...
[several hands go up]
Shawn Spencer : Ah, I can sense a question forming in all of your little minds. If it's "Who is Kadeem Hardison?" or "How do we ask someone on a date?", put them down.
[hands go down]
-
Shawn Spencer : [looking through the school's lost and found] Who loses a microscope and doesn't come looking for it?
-
Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Shawn coughs after a cloud of dust comes out of a file drawer he just opened] What are you doing?
Shawn Spencer : Getting the Plague, apparently.
-
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Look at this class. You're all a bunch of dudes.
Girl That Looks Like a Boy : Um, we're girls.
Shawn Spencer : That's awkward.
-
Shockley : We made notes for you. Bullet points you might wanna try to hit. Don't show any fear.
Goddard : Don't split any infinitives.
Shockley : Don't dangle your participles.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : At least not in public.
Shawn Spencer : Look, if I understood what you guys were saying... I'd still be a virgin.
-
Carlton Lassiter : [about Kirk] He's wearing makeup.
Shockley : Is he gay?
Shawn Spencer : No. Well, maybe. Look, I don't...I don't know.
-
Shawn Spencer : [about Kirk] The reason he's wearing makeup is that he's actually thirty, trying to pass for a teenager.
Juliet O'Hara : Thirty?
[turns to Kirk]
Juliet O'Hara : What kind of moisturizer do you use?
-
Shawn Spencer : A chance to go undercover in high school, a la "21 Jump Street." Obviously I'm Johnny Depp. Sadly, you can only pass for Holly Robinson.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why can't I be Richard Grieco?
Shawn Spencer : Why would you want to be Richard Grieco?
-
Shawn Spencer : Your negativity is really impeding my psychic ability.
Kirk : Or you're just a big fraud.
Shawn Spencer : Know what? Go to the principal's office.
Kirk : Wait a sec...
Shawn Spencer : Get out of here, go. Go, go, get out of here. Get OUT of here!
[Kirk leaves]
Shawn Spencer : [to the class] None of you should be friends with him.
-
Shockley : Shouldn't you be doing psychic stuff? Someone could be killed in the next forty-eight hours... possibly one of us.
Shawn Spencer : If you're so smart, why don't you solve the thing?
Shockley : Midterms. Duh!
-
Shawn Spencer : Why are you so eager?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Same as you: I was a KING in high school!
Shawn Spencer : Just because you carried a scepter doesn't make you a king.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's because I was in "Macbeth".
Shawn Spencer : Dude, you played Banquo's kid.
-
Juliet O'Hara : Seriously, are you guys working my case?
Shawn Spencer : Case? What case? No, no, no, they've been after me for a while now to teach a class.
Carlton Lassiter : [to Juliet] What do we say?
Juliet O'Hara : Hmm? Oh, right.
[Juliet clears her throat, then lifts her finger at Shawn]
Juliet O'Hara : Stay out of our way and don't get involved, Spencer!
-
Shockley : Guys, can you help us?
Shawn Spencer : Is a lizard's skin dry and cracked?
[kids whisper to each other for several moments]
Goddard : We believe that it is.
-
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Did something happen here on Friday night?
Jemison : Oh... um, no, nothing springs to mind... uh...
Shawn Spencer : I can sense you're lying. Spirits tell me your little pants are on fire.
-
[Shawn has just accused Kirk of a fifteen year old murder]
Carlton Lassiter : What, are you nuts? He's a kid.
Shawn Spencer : True. So how could this be possible, class?
Shockley : Time travel. He cryogenically froze himself in order to travel to the future.
Shawn Spencer : No.
Goddard : He's a clone of the original!
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : Know what? Never mind, guys. Just... save it for your online role-play.
-
Shawn Spencer : [talking to student with a juice box] Two questions: Where can I get one of those, and does it come in Grape-ilicious?