- Hank Kimball: Mr. Douglas, I'm here to tell you that... your little game is up.
- Oliver Douglas: My game?
- Hank Kimball: If you think you can pull the whool over the eyes of the American farmer's backbone with those eight minute speeches, you're badly mistaken.
- Newt Kiley: Hey, this letter's from Washington D.C. What's that there 'D.C.' stand for?
- Fred Ziffel: Department of Congress.
- Newt Kiley: Oh. I, I knew it had something to do with the government.
- Doris Ziffel: [to Lisa] I sure hope you stay. I love it when you drop over here of an afternoon for coffee and girl talk.
- Lisa Douglas: Thank you.
- Doris Ziffel: Fred likes it, too. When he gets home after you been here, he always says how nice the place smells.
- Oliver Douglas: [about to drive off to Drucker's store] I'm going in to pick up some aspirin for Eb. And eh... to get a present.
- Lisa Douglas: For whom?
- Oliver Douglas: It's a surprise.
- Lisa Douglas: Well, if you want to know any sizes, why don't you call me. My number is: Hootersville 631.
- Oliver Douglas: Yes, I know your number, I just can't remember your name.
- Lisa Douglas: [mildly outraged] Oliver!
- Oliver Douglas: Ok, Oliver. I'll call you if I need you.
- Oliver Douglas: [the Hooterville townfolks think Oliver's a CIA agent] Gentlemen, you've found me out. My real name is not Oliver Wendell Douglas. In Washington I am known as '189'. And Hortence Kalish, here...
- [indicating Lisa]
- Oliver Douglas: ... is known as 37-29-42.
- Lisa Douglas: [outraged] 42 I'm not!