- Alan Harper: You need a woman who's more age-appropiate.
- Charlie Harper: What is age-appropiate for me?
- Alan Harper: Forty.
- Charlie Harper: Are you out of your mind?
- Jake Harper: You had a dream about a train going into a tunnel? That sounds boring...... It means *what*?
- Charlie Harper: Forty-year-old women come with a lot of baggage.
- Alan Harper: Right. And you have just a carry-on.
- Alan Harper: I don't believe this. You? Nervous about a date?
- Charlie Harper: Of course I'm nervous! We don't have anything to talk about! I haven't been with a forty-year-old since high school!
- Charlie Harper: There are a lot of fish in the sea, but after you catch them and eat them, then what?
- Charlie Harper: I don't mind the talking and the listening, but what about the ears?
- Alan Harper: What about the ears?
- Charlie Harper: The ears never stop growing, and I like a nice, taut lobe.