- Kurt: [to Zack and Cody, before playing a Viking at the theatre] You are so grounded, I'm going to spend the entire second act thinking of punishments that a Viking would find cruel!
- Hector: Your bank accounts have been unfrozen and now you are rich.
- Esteban: Really? Rich enough to my pet chicken a coop?
- Hector: A solid gold coop with a doorman!
- London Tipton: Moseby, why did you fire Esteban? Sure, he is incompetent, you can barely understand a word he says, his best friend is a chicken... where was I?
- London Tipton: [talking about Esteban's apartment] Why are you going to that ratty little place?
- Esteban: How do you know what my place looks like?
- London Tipton: Because compared to where I live, everyone has a ratty little place!
- London Tipton: We can be BFFWLSAGSAL!
- Mr. Moseby, Esteban: What?
- London Tipton: "Best Friends Forever Who Love Spending and Go Shopping A Lot".
- Kurt: Well, boys, you better do your homework. It's a school night.
- Zack Martin: Mom always lets us watch "Wrestle Smackathon".
- Kurt: Oh, really? Cause on the "Don't" list,
- [picks up the list provided by Carey and reads it]
- Kurt: "Don't let them convince you I let them watch 'Wrestle Smackathon' before they do their homework".
- Zack Martin: Right. Jelly babies, cherry soda and cheese products in a can. All the ingredients of romance!
- Cody Martin: Pate, low fat, crackers, low sodium and chocolate cake: low nothing. Room freshener: forest pine.
- [inhales]
- Cody Martin: All the ingredients of romance!
- Cody Martin: You have nothing to fear from a man who only seeks to adore you.
- Barbara Brownstein: Oh, that is sweet. And if you try to try to go too far, I have a black belt in karate and can snap your arm like a twig.
- Mr. Moseby: You must have some money saved.
- Esteban: Yes, I do. I saved about a million pestabas.
- Mr. Moseby: Well, that's good.
- Esteban: Except for in this country, it comes to about $1.40.
- Esteban: Oh, Mr. Moseby, I should've listened to you instead of Miss Spend-Now-Save-Never!
- Mr. Moseby: It's OK, Esteban. It's times like these that a man shows his true character.
- Esteban: You're right. I must show that I'm strong and I'm in control.
- [pause]
- Esteban: Oh, I want that money!
- Abby: [After Kurt walks in dressed as a Viking] Why is there a Viking in your apartment?
- Zack Martin: Er... we ordered German take-out?
- Kurt: First of all, Vikings are from Scandinavia. And second of all, I'm their father.
- Mr. Moseby: [When Esteban complains about the food] I'll tell our chef, forthwith.
- London Tipton: What? You fired Chef Paolo and hired someone named Forthwith?
- [gasps and covers her mouth; Esteban does the same thing]
- Mr. Moseby: No. "Forthwith" is "presently."
- London Tipton: Well, I don't care if his name is "Presently" or "Forthwith"! Tell them both to fix it!
- London Tipton: Moseby, be a dear and take these to Esteban's room. And Moseby, be a moose and take these to mine.
- Hector: Esteban, I have great news. There has been a peaceful change of government in our country and your family's back in power!
- Esteban: You mean grandfather Geraldo Juan Carlos Diego Pepe Bombaro Lupe Abarto Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de Rosa Ramirez has taken the throne again?
- Hector: No. The other one.
- Esteban: Oh, you mean Fred?
- Kurt: Sneaking girls in here without my permission is totally inappropriate.
- Zack Martin: Well... now that you're here, can we have your permission?
- Kurt: Oh, sure. Go on. Knock yourselves out... are you kidding?
- Zack Martin: Dating at 14 stinks! I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a man! A mature adult.
- Kurt: [enters the suite] Hey, guys!
- Zack Martin: Daddy!
- [he and Cody run over to hug him]