- Alfie: Can I use your toilet?
- Jackie's daughter: Who the fuck are you?
- Alfie: I'm your Grandad.
- Jackie's daughter: You've not been in touch for over 10 years, you once urinated on the telly when you were pissed, and you were accused of patting next door's dog to death.
- Alfie: You're well informed, I'll give you that.