The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Spawn Games (2019)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Okay, let's play these shitty games.

  The Clown : No, no, no, not so fast. We're gonna play them in the most vile, despicable game room ever imagined by Hell. It'll break a man's soul in a second. Ready?

  [clasps the Nerd's shoulder as they disappear and then reappear in a perfect carbon copy of the Nerd's game room] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Huh? This is it?

  The Clown : Truly terrifying, right?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Um, I actually... spend most of my days in a room EXACTLY like this.

  The Clown : Really?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : It's, like, spot on. It's the exact same thing.

  The Clown : You even have the shelf with all the E.T. games?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah. In fact, I think mine has a little bit more.

  The Clown : What about the Aladdin Deck Enhancer and all the games?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Uh yeah, in fact, I played that not too long ago.

  The Clown : Oh. Internet's really slow in Hell. I didn't know that. Here, play your stupid fucking game.

• The Clown : That Leguizamo guy's a real PEST. I never really liked his interpretation of Clown. He's all gross and creepy, not beautiful and sexy like moi.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : If this review ends with you rolling around the room, I'm gonna be disappointed.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Velociraptor fossils? What could a Velociraptor have done to end up in Hell?

• The Clown : Listen to this: I got some level skip codes right here with your name on'em.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Wouldn't using cheats be wrong? Isn't that a hollow victory?

  The Clown : Ah, you're in Hell. If you cared about right or wrong, you wouldn't be here.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [after Malebolgia gives a garbled message to Spawn]  Well, I hope that wasn't important, 'cause I couldn't understand a fuck of it.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Did I get the right game? Cause this is awesome.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And then he dies for no reason after I kill Violator. Why can't I kick his ass or rip off his head or something?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Hours later, I managed to get to the final boss, who turns out to be Violator again. I already fought him and his brothers earlier. They couldn't come up with anything else? Why not Malebolgia? He's just sitting there in the background eating souls, like sitting in the back of a bar eating buffalo wings.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I did it, Satan. I beat your games.

  Satan : Fine. Looks like you've won this time.

  The Clown : Boss, he cheated! I found these codes and passwords in the Nerd room.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : You set me up!

  Satan : You cheated. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took the shortcut and gained nothing.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : That's right, Spawn merchandise. In the '90s, it was everywhere. You had the movie, the cartoon, the video games, and of course, toys! So many toys. And this, this battle horse. It was only in two issues of the comics. I mean, what the fuck?

• The Clown : Spawn was free in Soul Calibur for XBox, though that game's kinda wussy. You can't even rip off a single opponent's arm. Oh yeah, talk about the arm rip.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : One move that I do like that I was only able to do a few times was the arm rip. That's right, you can rip the arm off of your enemy. This was so awesome they based their magazine ads around it. I mean, look at that. That's not at all traumatizing for a young kid to open up a game magazine and see that. It's fucking awesome.