- Tommy and Janet attempt to survive a weekend together at Katy's new prep school. Meanwhile, Lou sees Tommy's absence as a way to move in on Genevieve. Teddy and Maggie receive vulgar propositions and Sean's stomach pain acts up at an inopportune moment.—Anonymous
- Cousin Mickey drops by the firehouse and mentions to Tommy that Teddy's been missing for several weeks. Maggie's with him, volunteering at VA clinics in Massachusetts.
Tommy says good-bye to Needles, who coolly points out that his shift ends in three minutes.
Lou, Mike and Sean discuss celebrities who have had twins and then Sean shares some digestive status updates. He's backed up. Tommy tries to sneak out but Needles reminds him he has a few seconds left. Then he walks him back in and counts down the final seconds.
Tommy and Janet drive up to Katie's school play. Janet says Colleen is heartbroken over breaking up with Black Shawn. He hasn't been at work since then. They only had sex once and he gave her "it's not you it's me." Tommy jokes that maybe she was bad at sex. But Janet says that's not possible, she taught her a few things.
Tommy tells Janet he just got his one year sober chip, and also started drinking again. He says he has a system and can control it. She's sure he's going to ruin the weekend. Katie has specifically requested they wear certain clothes.
Tommy asks about Dwight. She says he makes her laugh. "When he falls out of the chair?" says Tommy. To shut him up Janet starts describing Dwight's manly assets.
Lou drinks at the bar, glum that he realizes he has no shot with Genevieve. Franco tells him to just tell her he wants to sleep with her.
Tommy and Janet wait for Katie with her roommate. She tells them Katie goes by "Katherine" and has told everyone all about them. That Janet's a fashion designer and Tommy works at a hedge fund and they have a huge loft in SoHo and house in Montauk. They go along with it.
Lou babbles on the phone to Genevieve, saying he would like to take their relationship to a physical level. He pauses to let her laugh. But whatever she says appears to be the opposite. He can be there in 20 minutes.
Tommy and Janet talk to their daughter, who insists on being called Katherine and calls her mom "Mommy." They tell her it's not good to make up stories but she recaps their family history, including the fact her mom had a baby with her dad's dead brother and her uncle went to prison for killing the drunk driver who killed her brother. Tommy admits she's got them on that. She walks regally, informing them of her winter ski plans with her new best friend.
The Gavins check in to the Blueberry Cottage. But there's only one room. They tell him they're divorced, but they're out of rooms.
Janet makes Tommy change before dinner, which turns out to be with a group of rich snobs. Through their daughter, one of the couples has heard about the Gavins. They ask him what hedge fund he's with and he cops to being a firefighter. The men decide he's their hero because he got to come to dinner in jeans. They order him a drink. As for Janet, well, she says she really is a fashion designer. And would also like a drink.
Lou, freshly showered and shaved, rings Genevieve's bell. She buzzes him in.
At dinner, one of the woman notes that the woman who cleans her house wears the designer Janet has on. Then she assumes Janet has had lipo and warns her not to drink too much to keep her figure. Janet excuses herself, stumbling badly.
Night has fallen when Lou, disheveled and dazed, walks gingerly out of Genevieve's apartment, doing a little jig.
Still at the worst dinner ever, one of the women calls Janet out for using her seafood fork for her entree. One woman snidely jokes that they must not serve much seafood in Montauk. Tommy waits to see what Janet will do. Janet asks her to repeat it, "because I couldn't hear you...because you're so fat."
One of the men mumbles something about Janet needing an AA meeting, prompting Tommy to say his wife doesn't drink much, unless she has a good reason - like being "surrounded by douche bags."
The Gavins unite in solidarity against the rich snobs, with Janet proclaiming that when someone's looking that far down their nose at you, you want to give them a good show. Then she gives an overweight woman dressed in yellow a fashion tip, even though she's not a designer: "Never wear yellow, because kids might try to ride you to school." Tommy watches in admiration. They head upstairs.
Tommy makes a bed on the floor as Janet prances around in her underwear. She's drunk, but she's sure they're not having sex. He understands that, but he's holding a t-shirt over the part of him that isn't clear on that. Janet asks where the mini-bar is.
Then downstairs, the plaster starts falling off the ceiling as they go at it. They wreck furniture, pressed up against every surface in the room as the dinner guests come out of their rooms to listen. As they bang against the door it crashes off its hinges and into the hall where Tommy mid-sex, doesn't miss a beat, still on top of Janet he asks the men if they're looking at his wife's a--.
Teddy shares war stories with a vet in the VA clinic. But the guy he's talking to asks him to kill him. He offers $3,000. Teddy says he's there to offer support. He won't even do it when the guy offers $20,000.
Sean complains to Franco about his backed up plumbing. Franco innocently suggests Sean get his kidneys checked.
Lou strolls in and tells Franco about his evening. It began with her telling him he wasn't her type to an almost laughable degree and then proceeded to her riding him for an hour and fifteen minutes. It seems he mentioned that Tommy said he didn't have a shot and she's not a fan of Tommy's and so she engaged him in "a good old fashioned, grudge hump."
Lou calls it win-win, he got a great piece of a-- and he gets to rub Tommy' face in it. But Franco spies a flaw, Tommy will never believe him. Not to worry, Lou had her write him a note with all the details.
The alarms sounds. At the scene they clear the building and are ready to let it burn, but realize Sean is still inside. They go look for him. Amid the flames and soot they find Sean on the toilet, going for the first time in forever. They pause mid-rescue to assess the noxious odors he's producing.
At breakfast the next morning, Katie sits glumly as her parents chat with her roommate. When her roommate goes to the bathroom, Katie tells her mom to go with her because her roommate has an eating disorder but won't puke if somebody's there.
With Janet out of earshot, Katie asks her dad what's going on between them. They're being suspiciously nice to each other. Katie asks if they're going to get back together. Tommy tries to explain the situation using a planet-sun analogy that doesn't really work. She says if they got back together and were nice she'd come home more. He says they both just want the girls to be happy.
Maggie charms a vet, who flirts shamelessly, then puts his hands under his blanket as she describes changing costumes during a school play. She busts him masturbating, but simply turns her back as she continues her story.
Tommy and Janet watch Katie's play, full of pride. They bring her flowers backstage and gush over her. But Katie's reaction is to ask her mom if she called her friend's mom "fat." The story is all over school. Janet says those women made her feel bad about herself and Katie says maybe she is bad. She likes it at school, where there are no surprises and people don't show up and turn out to be the same awful people they always were.
Janet tries to apologize but Katie walks away. Tommy's left holding the flowers.
In the car, Janet realizes she's the one who said everything they did that weekend reflects on Katie. She thought it'd be Tommy, but it was her. She wonders if she is a bad person. She wonders what they do now. "Go back to the loft?" Tommy attempts.
They drive off. Katie cries and watches them go, then runs back to school.
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