The Mighty Boosh (TV Series)
Eels (2007)
Julian Barratt: Howard Moon, Dennis
Quotes
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Naboo : Oh and Howard, I don't care what you do on your own time, don't advertise it on the front of the shop.
Howard Moon : What? That wasn't me! It was graffiti artists!
Bollo : No smoke without fire.
Howard Moon : Why does everyone keep saying that? What about smoke machines?
Bollo : [shrugs] Dry ice.
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The Hitcher : [leers] Do I look like a reasonable man to you, or a peppermint nightmare?
Howard Moon : [timidly] The first one?
The Hitcher : Wrong.
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Dennis : Would you be quiet, please. I can't hear my internal TomTom. We appear to be lost.
Tony Harrison : Oh, you are useless!
Dennis : Well, I'm more than happy to let someone else drive.
Tony Harrison : I can't drive! I'm shitfaced!
Saboo : Yeah, like if you were sober, you could drive anyway. You can't even reach the pedals, you cleft.
Tony Harrison : How dare you. I've got a heavy goods license. There's no one here who's got more miles under their belt than me!
Saboo : Look, save it, you pinky wafer. Let Kirk drive.
Dennis : Kirk can't drive. He's a renowned ram-raider.
Saboo : Kirk? Is it true that you've become a vehicular menace; mowing down all in your path?
Kirk : Yes.
Tony Harrison : Can we stop? I need a wee-wee.
Dennis : We were only just in the service station.
Tony Harrison : I know, but I didn't need to go then! I'm not a machine, I've got a weak bladder!
Saboo : You are a bladder.
Tony Harrison : Anyway, it's not my fault. I couldn't reach the pee-trough! I asked you to pick me up; you just shunned me!
Dennis : I'm sorry, but I do not stoop to pick up men in the urinals.
Saboo : ...that's not what I've heard.
Tony Harrison : Ohhhh! You walked right into it!
All Shamen : [singing] We are super magic men/We stay up till five A.M.!/Although we're bound by shaman lords/What goes on tour, stays on tour!
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The Hitcher : [randomly playing chords on the piano] EELS! EELS! EELS! Join in with me, boy.
Howard Moon : [timidly] Eels?
The Hitcher : Yeah, It's a good one, ain't it?
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Howard Moon : We're in trouble. We've got to get out of town.
Vince Noir : Just calm down and tell me what happened.
Howard Moon : This man came into the shop, a cockney! He urinated in my face, and...
[turns to camera]
Howard Moon : we've seen all this. Can we just cut to something else while I explain it?
[cuts to a game of Pong for a few seconds]
Howard Moon : ...We've got to get a thousand Euros by midnight or we're dead!
[turns to camera]
Howard Moon : Thank you.
[the Pong game beeps off-screen in response]
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Elanor : We're too old to be playing these games!
Howard Moon : I'm sorry, you've completely got the wrong... what do you mean "old"?
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Howard Moon : But we had an arrangement...
Vince Noir : Oh, boo-hoo the arrangement! Do I look like a reasonable man to you?