- Laszlo: Vampires have huge respect for owls. One, they're nocturnal. Two, they're predators. And three, they don't give a "hoot" where they dump their scat.
- Laszlo: [looking at the oblivious Sean] 'Cause he's my best friend, he's my pal. He's my homeboy, my rotten soldier. He's my sweet cheese. My good-time boy.
- Charmaine: [catching sight of Sean] Honey! I've been calling for you for like twenty minutes. The garbage disposal's all messed up again.
- Sean: [staring worshipfully at Charmaine] You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.
- Charmaine: [uncertainly] Stop messing around.
- Sean: I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. This is for you.
- [gives her a handful of trinkets from his pockets]
- Sean: It's a token of my undying love.
- Charmaine: You emptied out a junk drawer? What the hell is wrong with you?
- Nadja: [commenting on her heirloom necklace unwittingly being given to Charmaine by Sean] I suppose it is quite sweet. I'll just get it when they die.