- Lt. Randall Disher: Natalie, what are you doing? Hey, HEY! What are you doing?
- [He wrestles Monk's ugly portrait from Natalie]
- Natalie Teeger: Randy, let go! Come on, let me burn it!
- Lt. Randall Disher: It's evidence! Secret Service are on their way. It's the only painting we have left. It's going to be Exhibit A.
- Natalie Teeger: Exhibit A?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah! It's big news, Natalie! It's going to be one of the most famous paintings in the world!
- Natalie Teeger: You're right. You're right, I'm sorry.
- [Natalie puts her hands over her eyes to give herself "fresh eyes" to look at the painting. She turns away, and suddenly, she turns and runs back and tries to wrestle the painting from Randy once more]
- Natalie Teeger: Ow! Burn it! BURN IT!
- Lt. Randall Disher: [to the other cops] Grab that painting!
- Natalie Teeger: [shrieking] OWWW! BURN IT!
- Lt. Randall Disher: [gets caught up in a spider's web, and mistakes it for a booby trap] BOOBY TRAP!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy! RANDY! It's not a booby trap! It's a spider's web.
- Bennie Wentworth: [walks over] What's going on? Did you break this bike?
- [points to a broken bike lying on the ground]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Sorry.
- Bennie Wentworth: You break it, you bought it. That's the rule.
- Natalie Teeger: It's a junkyard. How do you know if something's broken?
- Bennie Wentworth: I know. I can tell. Look.
- [He picks up the bicycle, and points to a twisted up wheel]
- Bennie Wentworth: This wheel is all bent! 40 bucks!
- Lt. Randall Disher: 40 bucks. No way.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Bennie] Mr. Wentworth, this is Adrian Monk and Natalie Teeger. They're helping us out. I was wondering, could you go over the whole thing again, please?
- Bennie Wentworth: Go over what? The guy was on my property, he tried to rip me off. He got what was coming to him, end of story.
- [back to Randy]
- Bennie Wentworth: I tell you what. Give me $20 bucks, we'll forget about the whole thing.
- [regarding the broken bike]
- Lt. Randall Disher: I'm not paying for it!
- Adrian Monk: What was he doing here? Mr. Wentworth, what do you think he was after?
- Bennie Wentworth: I don't know. Maybe he needed a carburetor. People need carburetors.
- Adrian Monk: [referring to the dead man] He was wearing a $2,000 suit. And those are Italian shoes. I think he could afford a carburetor.
- Bennie Wentworth: Maybe he stole the suit. That's possible, isn't it? Maybe he stole the shoes! Maybe he's on a spree.
- Adrian Monk: The suit, the shoes, the carburetor. What kind of spree is that?
- Bennie Wentworth: I don't know. An eclectic spree.
- Natalie Teeger: Do you have any enemies?
- Bennie Wentworth: None that I can think of, except for this guy the bicycle thief!
- [points at Randy]
- Bennie Wentworth: 20 bucks.
- [Bennie makes another attempt at bargaining with Randy about the broken bike's price]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, give him five bucks.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Fine.
- [He takes five bucks out of his own wallet and pays Bennie]
- Adrian Monk: I wonder what happened to his partner.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What partner?
- Adrian Monk: Well it's a dirt road out there. Very little dust on his shoes. Somebody must have dropped him off. Maybe they took off when they heard the gunshot.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Randy] Secure the road. Tell the crime scene techs to check for tire tracks.
- [Randy starts to walk away, and Stottlemeyer stops him]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy! Your bike.
- [Randy reluctantly walks back and picks up the broken bike. He carries it away with him]
- [Monk paints in Natalie's living room. He has literally cleared out her whole house. Natalie comes through the front door, and notices her stuff missing]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, where is my stuff?
- Adrian Monk: Outside.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, what if it rains?
- Adrian Monk: Then your things will get wet. Art requires a little sacrifice.
- Natalie Teeger: [notices that her curtains are missing as well] What? And my curtains?
- Adrian Monk: I need the light! Eastern light! C'est finis!
- [an intruder walks into the junkyard and wakes up Bennie. As soon as the man gets near Bennie's bunk, Bennie stops him]
- Bennie Wentworth: All right.
- [notices the gun]
- Bennie Wentworth: Okay, don't do anything stupid.
- [the man does not stop and continues to tip toe towards Bennie]
- Bennie Wentworth: Not much of a talker, now don't take another step. I'm warning you, not one more step!
- [the man doesn't spot a trip wire. He hits it. The trip wire pulls the trigger on a shotgun, which fires at him. The man is sent flying backwards]
- Bennie Wentworth: I tried to tell you. Nobody listens to me.
- [Bennie casually lights a cigarette]
- Adrian Monk: What was I thinking? I'm no artist.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're no artist? Adrian Monk, you're a grand master! You're Leonardo Da Vinci, you're Pablo Picasso.
- Adrian Monk: Just not with a paintbrush.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] Just not with a paintbrush, that's for damn sure.
- [last lines]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, how 'bout stamp collecting? That's a nice hobby. You get a little book, you put all the stamps in there, you line them all up.
- Adrian Monk: I could arrange them by color, I suppose.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, you could. You could arrange them any way you'd like. It's a hobby, after all.
- Adrian Monk: Are they all the same size?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If that's important to you, yes...