Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Buys a House (2008)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Quotes
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[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher arrive at Cassie Drake's house to check out Monk's suspicions on Joseph Mood, as Monk complains about the messiness of "Honest" Jake's repairs]
Adrian Monk : You should've warned me.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I did.
Adrian Monk : Well, why didn't you tie me down and shoot me in the leg? What's the good of having a gun if you don't shoot your friend in the leg when he's about to buy an old house?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Next time I will. I promise.
[They come up to the door. Stottlemeyer knocks on the door. With no response, he knocks a Morse code message, presumably in Morse code. He and Disher exchange laughs. Randy in turn taps another message back to Stottlemeyer]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey did you ever hear about the...?
[taps another message back to Randy. They burst out laughing]
Natalie Teeger : That's not the way I heard it. My husband was in the Navy. Remember?
[Stottlemeyer knocks on the door with a different code]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Miss Drake!
[He pulls on the door, which is unlocked. Cautiously and fearing something bad, he pulls open the door. They see the stabbed body of Cassie Drake on the floor]
Natalie Teeger : Oh my God!
[Stottlemeyer and Disher head inside while Monk and Natalie stay back]
Lt. Randall Disher : Stay there.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Phone it in!
[Cuts to a police officer stretching crime scene tape across the patio as the medical examiner's van comes to a stop by the police cars. Inside the house, CSI techs take photos of the body as Monk and Natalie stand by]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Still no murder weapon. Doc says knitting needle. So what do you think? He was tossing the place when she walked in on him?
Adrian Monk : I-I don't think so. Look at the drawers. They were pulled out and flipped over, but everything's just piled up. He didn't really rifle through them. He was here for her.
[Disher comes out of another room carrying a bag]
Lt. Randall Disher : Captain. I, uh, found this in her closet.
[holds the bag up]
Lt. Randall Disher : $4,000 grand, all $20s and $50s.
Natalie Teeger : Gee, I should've gone to nursing school.
[Monk examines the bills closely]
Adrian Monk : 1967, 1966.
[pause]
Adrian Monk : These are 40 years old. Some of the serial numbers are sequential.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I'll call Treasury. Maybe they can trace it. Wanna come with?
Adrian Monk : Nah, I should probably go home, assuming it's still there.
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[Having managed to pull himself out from underneath a fallen wall, Jake, his face bloodied, makes his way over to the living room, holding his gun, and starts to train it at Monk and Natalie]
'Honest' Jake Phillips : If you like my work, tell your friends about how to find my business. On second thought, I'm gonna retire.
[He brings up his gun and prepares to pull the trigger. Stottlemeyer and Disher burst into the house, holding their weapons]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Drop the gun! Drop the gun!
[Jake puts his gun down and his hands up]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : On the ground. On the ground!
[Stottlemeyer pins Jake to the ground, prodding his barrel into Jake's back. Disher handcuffs Jake and takes him away]
'Honest' Jake Phillips : Good luck.
[after Disher leaves with his prisoner, Stottlemeyer looks around the house for a few minutes in disbelief at Jake's handiwork]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Holy moly, what happened here?
Adrian Monk : I never should have bought this house. I should have waited for something better to come along.
[pause]
Adrian Monk : Like death.
-
[Monk has discovered the file on Joseph Moody]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : His private nurse found him yesterday. The guy was 89 years old. He fell down a flight of stairs.
Adrian Monk : Stairs, huh? Sounds suspicious.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What's suspicious?
Adrian Monk : Are you kidding? Nine decades, perfect health, the guy just sits up and dies? I think we should check it out.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Are you really that bored?
Adrian Monk : Yes. I am.