- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [comes to Leyla's apartment with a search warrant, and he notices that Monk is wearing only a bathrobe] Here's something I never thought I'd say out loud: Where are your pants?
- [upon first seeing Leyla]
- Adrian Monk: She's beautiful.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, like Mother Theresa. Only hotter.
- Natalie Teeger: Only hotter? You are gonna get struck by lightning.
- Adrian Monk: Were there any witnesses?
- McKiernan: Randy was there so, no, there weren't any witnesses.
- [Randy has been speculating on who the suspect is based on a charm bracelet]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If the suspect is a dancer, zoo-keeper's daughter who makes jewlery I'll resign.
- [after watching a man catch part of their dinner in his hat]
- Adrian Monk: I didn't know there was a recipe with the word "hat" in it.
- Adrian Monk: Red light, shmed light.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What? That's your argument? Red light, shmed light? It's come down to that? Ok, Monk. It's over. She has no alibi.
- Adrian Monk: Alibi, Shmalibi.
- [Below are the translations of what Monk and Natalie are saying when asking a woman in a Zemenian community on where to find Leyla's mother]
- Adrian Monk: [in Zemenian] We are looking for the sad stick.
- [no reply]
- Adrian Monk: Seen the sad stick?
- [still no reply]
- Adrian Monk: Sad stick?
- Natalie Teeger: [in Zemenian] Sad stick!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Here's what we know: we're looking for a woman whose initials are LZ, maybe she's a dancer, she likes to travel or works with people who travel, and she was born between July 23rd and July 31st.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [shaking his head] I can't think of anyone...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I thought maybe we'd use the computer for this one, Randy