- Rango: [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?
- Priscilla: You're funny-looking.
- Rango: Well? You're funny-looking too.
- Priscilla: That's a funny-looking shirt.
- Rango: That's a funny-looking dress.
- Priscilla: You got funny-looking eyes.
- Rango: You got a funny-looking face!
- Priscilla: [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
- [walks away]
- Rattlesnake Jake: [after Beans refuses to sign a deed] Sign the damn paper, woman!
- Beans: Go to Hell!
- Rattlesnake Jake: [wraps Beans in his coils and suspends her upside down] Where do you think I come from?
- Rango: Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.
- Child: Who's Shakespeare?
- Rango: [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed] All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.
- Beans: [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?
- Rango: [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?
- Beans: [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.
- Rango: That's a funny kind of name.
- Beans: What can I say? My daddy plumb loved baked beans.
- Rango: Well you're lucky he didn't plumb love asparagus.
- Beans: [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?
- Rango: I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.
- [picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]
- Beans: [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...
- [sees what Rango is eating]
- Rango: Mmm, spicy!
- Beans: You are eating his ashes!
- Rango: [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?
- Beans: [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.
- Rango: Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.
- Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up an entire tribe of pygmies. They started lookin' at me weird.
- Furgus: I remember them! They was quite friendly!
- Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once...
- [Awkward silence]
- Sergeant Turley: You might wanna get that looked at.
- Rango: [Wounded Bird is scratching his down feathers and scattering them into the wind] I see you're communicating with the great spirits.
- Wounded Bird: No. I'm molting. It means I'm ready to mate.
- Rango: [taken aback] Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!
- [to Spirit]
- Rango: Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?
- Spirit of the West: [eyeing a fish hook] Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.
- [to Rango]
- Spirit of the West: So, you made it.
- Rango: Is this Heaven?
- Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.
- Rango: Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?
- Spirit of the West: Searching... same as you.
- Rango: [downhearted] I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.
- [brighter]
- Rango: They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.
- Spirit of the West: Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.
- Rango: But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.
- Spirit of the West: [emphatic] Then be a hero!
- Rango: [disbelief] Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.
- Spirit of the West: That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?
- [pause]
- Spirit of the West: It's not about you... it's about them.
- Rango: But I can't go back.
- Spirit of the West: Don't think you have a choice, son.
- [draws rectangle on windshield]
- Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.
- Waffles: [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?
- Rango: Now... we ride!
- [whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]
- Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.
- [another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]
- Rattlesnake Jake: [to the Mayor] What was that you said? "Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed."
- Rattlesnake Jake: [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!
- [starts shooting at them]
- Maybelle: Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!
- [swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]
- Rango: It only takes one bullet.
- Rattlesnake Jake: You ain't got the nerve.
- Rango: Try me.
- Spoons: [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now, sheriff?
- Rango: Now, we ride!
- [cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]
- Spoons: [to Rango] Where are we going?
- [they have no leads on where the robbers might be]
- Rango: What?
- Spoons: Where are we going?
- [cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]
- Rango: [seeing Jake has Beans wrapped in his coils] Put her down!
- Rattlesnake Jake: Or what, little man? You gonna kill me?
- Rango: [serious] That's just about the size of it.
- Wounded Bird: You kill bird?
- Rango: Why, yes, I did.
- Wounded Bird: Bird dead, snake come.
- Rango: Uh, snake?
- Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
- Rango: No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
- Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
- Rango: Amos?
- [Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']
- Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?
- Rango: [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
- Sergeant Turley: [oblivious] What?
- Rango: Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.
- Sergeant Turley: [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
- Rango: [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.
- Rock-Eye: [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!
- [He sees Rango]
- Rock-Eye: You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!
- Rango: [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!
- [He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]
- Rock-Eye: [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!
- [Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango]
- Rock-Eye: Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?
- Rango: Aaah, I don't know you!
- Rock-Eye: Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?
- Rango: [Overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!
- Rock-Eye: Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
- Rango: [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!
- [the bottle slides to a stop]
- Rock-Eye: [Stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!
- [the hawk snatches him up]
- Rock-Eye: [Screams furiously] You son of a b...!
- [Hawk screech]
- Señor Flan - Mariachi Accordion: [extended cut only] And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from uh... a household accident, which accounts for sixty five percent of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will honor his memory even as they abandon their dignity.
- Bad Bill: If I ever see your face again, I'm going to slice it off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!
- Beans: [comes out of trance by her wagon] And until the people of Andromeda 5 return him safe and sound, I will not sell my ranch!
- [first lines]
- Señor Flan - Mariachi Accordion: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
- [the Mayor is intending to shoot Jake while Rango and Beans are in the bank vault that's filling up with water]
- Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.
- Rango: [Extended edition only] Look. I need water. Hydration. My teeth are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to one layer of skin already. Pretty soon, I'm going to start seeing my insides. Not quite unlike you've got going there. Listen. I can't survive in the desert, okay? I- I don't belong here!
- Roadkill: That maybe true, but here you are. Now, help me up and I'll help you find what you seek?
- Rango: Uh, you will?
- Roadkill: And perhaps more.
- Señor Flan - Mariachi Accordion: [last lines, theatrical cut only] And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from uh... a household accident, which accounts for sixty five percent of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will always remember, the name of the one who saved them.