- Kelly Hall: I was once Miss South Philly... Actually, I was a first runner-up, but the crown went to me because the winner caused scorn to fall upon the title.
- Joe Waters: How?
- Kelly Hall: Someone sent in an 8x10 glossy of her taking a shower with the hockey team.
- Joe Waters: Someone must've really had it in for her.
- Kelly Hall: It was a bitter contest. I just barely won the talent competition.
- Joe Waters: For what?
- Kelly Hall: Photography.
- Donald Maltby: [Donald has just discovered that Joe, Cliff and Lou have stashed a dead man in his apartment to avoid a prying reporter] I come home from the Shubert Theatre to find this!
- Lou Waters: What'd you see?
- Donald Maltby: Marty Allen and Mimi Hines in "The Prisoner of Second Avenue". Haven't I suffered enough?