- Homer Simpson: My mother's dead.
- Grampa Simpson: I'm still with you, son.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, it just gets worse and worse.
- Mona Simpson: Homer, if you're watching this, either I'm dead, or you've gone through my stuff. If I'm dead, this is my video will; if not, please keep away from my stuff.
- Moe Szyslak: I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.
- Apu: She may have been reincarnated into that baby, or that mouse on the nacho cheese.
- Ned Flanders: People are not mice!
- Apu: Oh, big surprise. Joe Jesus Jr. here to set us all straight.
- Ned Flanders: No one comes back as anything, except for Jesus as bread, and that's it.
- Homer Simpson: Oh.
- [leaves dejected]
- Apu: That's the problem with your religion. Everything's a bummer.
- Ned Flanders: Even the sing-alongs?
- Apu: No, the sing-alongs are fine.
- Bart Simpson: Maggie's thing? She won't even remember it.
- Marge Simpson: You never remember the nice things we do for you.
- Bart Simpson: Like what?
- Marge Simpson: Food.
- Bart Simpson: Pass!
- Marge Simpson: Shelter.
- Bart Simpson: That dump?
- Marge Simpson: Clothing.
- Bart Simpson: I wouldn't blow my nose on this!
- [takes off sweater and throws it in the trash]
- Lisa Simpson: I want a poodle!
- Marge Simpson: I'd stay away from poodles. They give the dog... ideas.
- Mona Simpson: To Lisa, I give something not even the government can take from you: my rebellious spirit.
- Lisa Simpson: Oh, grandma. I accept your gift.
- Bart Simpson: Lisa got nothing! Lisa got nothing!