This Is the End (2013)
Jay Baruchel: Jay Baruchel
Photos
Quotes
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James Franco : Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.
Jay Baruchel : Thanks, James Franco.
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Jay Baruchel : I say unto the... the power of Christ compels you!
Possessed Jonah Hill : Oh, does it? Does it compel me?
Jay Baruchel : The power of Christ compels you!
Possessed Jonah Hill : Does it, Jay?
Jay Baruchel : The power of Christ compels you!
Possessed Jonah Hill : Is the power of Christ compelling me? Is that what's happening?
Jay Baruchel : The power of Christ compels you!
Possessed Jonah Hill : Guess what? It's not that compelling.
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Jay Baruchel : Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room
Seth Rogen : Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson : That's fucked up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel : I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco : That's racist.
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James Franco : We're actors! We bring joy to people's lives!
Jay Baruchel : Yeah but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely much higher than the average professional.
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Jay Baruchel : I don't wanna die at James Franco's house.
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Jay Baruchel : Can we please go to fucking Carl's Jr.?
Seth Rogen : Uh, I would love to, but I'm on a... I can't really eat that stuff right now. I'm on a... I'm on this cleanse.
Jay Baruchel : You're on a what?
Seth Rogen : I'm on a cleanse.
Jay Baruchel : [laughs] What?
Seth Rogen : It's good for you. You're supposed to take six shits a day.
Jay Baruchel : That's not true, you're supposed to shit twice a day.
Seth Rogen : No. That's not true. That's what they used to think, now they know you're supposed to shit six times a day.
Jay Baruchel : So you're not drinking, you're not smoking weed?
Seth Rogen : Oh, no. I'm drinking, I'm smoking weed. I'm on a cleanse, I'm not psychotic.
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Jonah Hill : So what have you guys been doing?
Seth Rogen : Oh we just hung out all day.
Jay Baruchel : Ate a bunch of dirty burgers, smoked about a fucking pound of weed, and played a bunch of video games.
Jonah Hill : Weed is tight, weed is tight. That's awesome.
Jay Baruchel : It's like the golfing sequence in Navy Seals.
Jonah Hill : Sick reference though bro.
Jay Baruchel : Oh thanks bud.
Jonah Hill : Dude, your references are out of control, everyone knows that.
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Jay Baruchel : We could build a life here together, Craig. I'd be really good to you.
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Jonah Hill : Um, can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco : No, you can't have the Milky Way. That's my Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.
Jay Baruchel : That's weird.
James Franco : It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.
Seth Rogen : I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson : I'd be pretty bummed if I don't at least get a bite of the Milky Way.
James Franco : Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson : Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.
Jay Baruchel : A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.
Seth Rogen : Everyone gets a fifth of everything.
James Franco : [to Craig] I want one fifth of your t-shirt!
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Seth Rogen : Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured?
Jay Baruchel : Oh for fucks sake...
Seth Rogen : I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.
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Seth Rogen : Let's do all the drugs!
Jay Baruchel : I don't really want to.
[starts to drink water]
Seth Rogen : You should of thought of that before you drank a can full of Ecstasy.
Jay Baruchel : [spits water out] What?
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[an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them]
Santa Cannibal : [yells] Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!
[chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams]
Danny McBride : [on loudspeaker] STOP!
[Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other]
Jay Baruchel : Danny?
Danny McBride : [shocked] What the fuck? You guys are still alive?
Seth Rogen : Yeah!
Danny McBride : Holy shit, I didn't expect that.
[tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV]
Danny McBride : Get...
[Danny pulls Channing over to him]
Jay Baruchel : Oh, Jesus.
Danny McBride : Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.
Jay Baruchel : [confused] What does that have to do with us?
James Franco : What the fuck are you talking about?
Danny McBride : [chuckles] I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.
Seth Rogen : Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!
Danny McBride : I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.
[Channing drops down doggy-style]
Danny McBride : See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.
Channing Tatum : [takes his mask off] Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco : That's Channing Tatum.
Seth Rogen : That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?
Danny McBride : Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch
[Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away]
Danny McBride : Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".
James Franco : Hardcore, man.
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Seth Rogen : Jesus fucking Christ.
Craig Robinson : You might wanna stay away from saying that.
Seth Rogen : Jesus fucking Christ? Why? Why can't I say that?
Craig Robinson : One of the ten commandments. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Seth Rogen : Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.
Craig Robinson : Jesus and God is all the same.
Jay Baruchel : It's a trinity.
Craig Robinson : The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
James Franco : It's like Neapolitan ice cream.
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David Krumholtz : Jay! I can't hold on much longer. You have to reach out and grab me, you hear?
Jay Baruchel : Okay, uh, you take my hand and I'll swing you up!
David Krumholtz : You sure? I'm going to give you my whole weight.
Jay Baruchel : I'm gonna reach for you alright?
David Krumholtz : Are you sure you can do it?
Jay Baruchel : I can grab you. On three. One, two, three!
[They grab hands]
David Krumholtz : I'm gonna swing across!
Jay Baruchel : I got you buddy.
David Krumholtz : You're going to hold my weight, all of it.
Jay Baruchel : Okay! Come on!
David Krumholtz : You can hold on to my full weight?
Jay Baruchel : I can do it!
David Krumholtz : I don't want to die.
Jay Baruchel : One, two, three!
[Jay lets go and David falls to his death]
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[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay]
Seth Rogen : Oh, shit.
Jay Baruchel : Shit!
James Franco : [horrified] What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?
Danny McBride : I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.
[the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James]
Danny McBride : You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.
James Franco : [last word] What?
[Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust]
Danny McBride : [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose] HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?
[Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death]
Danny McBride : Seth! JAY!
[Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed]
Jay Baruchel : Oh, shit, they're running after us!
Seth Rogen : Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!
Danny McBride : BRING THEM TO ME!
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Danny McBride : Franco, you're just a pretentious fucking nerd.
James Franco : Fuck you!
Danny McBride : And Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.
Craig Robinson : Bro...
Danny McBride : And Seth... you duplicitous taint.
Seth Rogen : What?
Danny McBride : And of course there's Jay... the self-righteous, cocksucking, two-faced backstabber.
Jay Baruchel : What the fuck are you talking about?
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[the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house]
James Franco : [whispering] I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.
Jay Baruchel : Why not?
Headless Man : Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.
James Franco : I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...
[Seth grabs his chest protectively]
James Franco : ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?
Headless Man : I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!
Danny McBride : "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.
James Franco : What if he's the rapist?
Jonah Hill : Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.
Headless Man : [panicking] Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!
Seth Rogen : You gonna tittyfuck us?
Headless Man : [almost in tears] If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!
Jay Baruchel : Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?
James Franco : [to Seth] What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.
Seth Rogen : Uh, let's vote on it!
Headless Man : Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!
Danny McBride : Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.
[the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside]
Headless Man : There's something out here!
[the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet]
Danny McBride : [in shock] This is real! This is fucking real!
[he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it]
Jonah Hill : You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!
James Franco : Pick it up, Jonah.
[Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it]
Danny McBride : What the fuck is going on?
Jonah Hill : He blinked at me! He blinked at me!
James Franco : Put it over there!
[quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head]
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Jay Baruchel : [about to exorcise Jonah Hill] Jonah Hill.
Possessed Jonah Hill : Jonah Hill is no more.
Jay Baruchel : Demon!
Possessed Jonah Hill : Yes!
Seth Rogen : Fuck. That's not good.
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Seth Rogen : Jay, are you serious right now? That's your fucking plan? You're gonna repeat lines from the exorcist?
Jay Baruchel : I would assume they did their fucking research.
Seth Rogen : It's a movie!
Jay Baruchel : It's a manual. It's a fucking training manual.
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Emma Watson : Look at him, he's like a hipster. Right?
Jay Baruchel : No. No, I'm not a hipster. At all.
Craig Robinson : Yeah, you do seem to hate a lot of things and the bottom of your pants are awful tight.
Jay Baruchel : No, I just... I don't like Los Angeles. That's it. It doesn't make me a hipster.
Craig Robinson : I bet you hate movies that are universally loved.
Jay Baruchel : I don't even...
Craig Robinson : You like Forrest Gump?
Jay Baruchel : No, no, it's a horrendous piece of shit...
Emma Watson : Life is like a box of chocolates? No?
Jay Baruchel : No, I'm familiar with it.
Craig Robinson : You never know what you're gonna get.
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Jay Baruchel : There were people and they were there and they got... sucked up into the sky.
James Franco : Sucked up into the sky. Nobody got sucked up in here.
Michael Cera : I got sucked off here.
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Jay Baruchel : [after encountering Satan] Oh, you've got to be fucking SHITTING me!
