- Jim Halpert: Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
- Dwight Schrute: They match the carpet.
- Jim Halpert: What is that?
- [reading a banner]
- Jim Halpert: "It is your birthday," period.
- Dwight Schrute: It is a statement of fact.
- Jim Halpert: Not even an exclamation point?
- Dwight Schrute: This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer.
- Jim Halpert: I can't believe how bad this looks.
- Dwight Schrute: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.
- Jim Halpert: Ok, good then.
- Dwight Schrute: Have you collected the money from everyone?
- Jim Halpert: I am working on it.
- Dwight Schrute: How much do you have?
- Jim Halpert: Six dollars.
- Dwight Schrute: That's how much you and I contributed! I... Damn it, Jim!
- Jim Halpert: [Mumbling] I said I was working on it.
- [Michael and Pam arrive at the Utica branch; a pregnant Karen walks out to meet them]
- Karen Filippelli: Hi, guys!
- Michael Scott: Oh my god... is that Jim's?
- Karen Filippelli: [angrily] What?
- Pam Beesly: Michael...
- Karen Filippelli: Of course not!
- Michael Scott: Okay, wow... oh man! My head just exploded. Woo, thank god for everybody, right? Hoo-kay. Wow, you're huge! That's... incredible! I g-god, sorry. Sorry, my head is... I'm just... I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and...
- Karen Filippelli: [interrupts] Let's just get this over with, shall we?
- Pam Beesly: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I hate even thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me and she still hates me.
- Michael Scott: I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorized all of your names.
- [pointing to people in the room]
- Michael Scott: Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman.
- Michael Scott: So, what we do is we drive all day and we stay in hotels together at night.
- Pam Beesly: Separate rooms.
- Michael Scott: Well, that goes without saying.
- Pam Beesly: I'm gonna say it anyway.