- The Chief: Alright. Here's what we know so far. Vic the Slick headed for one of the fastest- growing cities in America. Now, I have always found some of the attractions there a little silly. There's the Mirage, a hotel with an artificial volcano, and Circus Circus, a casino with a real circus going on over your head. Now, Vic wants to turn Alcatraz into a nightclub called Prison Prison, complete with a chain gang chorus line. Who knows? Might just catch on. Greg.
- Mrs. Pumpkin-Klanger: Shut your yappy faces down there!
- Greg Lee: Oh no. This is our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkin-Klanger. Come on.
- [goes out into the hall where Mrs, Pumpkin-Klanger is staring down out her window]
- Mrs. Pumpkin-Klanger: He's gone to that theme park called Disneyland. The original one in California. Vic's tried to sell Alcatraz as an attraction called Prisoner's Cove. But they didn't buy it. So he headed west toward Long Beach. Now capture him, and keep your horrid voices down!
- [briefly glances in her hand mirror, then goes inside and shuts the window]
- Greg Lee: Alright. Thanks for the tip. Love you too.
- Greg Lee: Unfortunately, we've completely lost Vic the Slick. I don't know whether he went down at sea, if there was a storm at sea, if Alcatraz is now under the Atlantic. I'm just really not sure...
- The Voice From On High: NONE OF THE ABOVE! GREG, MY OFFICE NOW!
- [Greg grabs a chair and climbs on closer to the voice. The familiar left hand starts messing with his face]
- Greg Lee: Come on! Why did you do that?
- The Voice From On High: BECAUSE I CAN.
- Greg Lee: Oh yeah.
- The Voice From On High: NOW LISTEN. HE WENT TO THE ONLY TERRITORY IN NORTH OR SOUTH AMERICA THAT'S STILL CONTROLLED BY A EUROPEAN COUNTRY. HE MIGHT JUST BE ON DEVIL'S ISLAND, THE FAMOUS EX-PRISON COLONY THERE.
- Greg Lee: Okay, uh, thanks a lot. Appreciate it.
- The Voice From On High: DON'T MENTION IT. OH, AND GREG?
- Greg Lee: Yes.
- The Voice From On High: GO AWAY.
- Greg Lee: Yes. Okay. Sorry.
- [Gets off the chair and resumes his post]
- Greg Lee: I don't know who that guy is. How does he know all that stuff?
- The Chief: Uh, Greg?
- Greg Lee: Yeah, Chief.
- The Chief: Lemke just called. Says we're in violation of Crimenet regulation 336-2: the Hand Puppet Clause. See, we're on PBS. Kids are watching, and we are required to use a hand puppet.
- Greg Lee: Okay, uh, no problem. No problem. Got it handled.
- [he raises his right hand, which suddenly has large artificial eyes just above the fingers, a small hat directly behind them, and a tie around the wrist]
- Greg Lee: Hi, Handy. Got a clue for us?
- Handy Handcock: [speaking in an all-purposes accent] I certainly do. Thank you, Gregory. Vic the Slick went to a city where they speak slang called lunfardo. It's a combination of Spanish and Italian. The country recently changed it's currency from the peso to the austral.
- Greg Lee: Really? What's Vic doing there?
- Handy Handcock: He tried to sell the prison as a floating hotel complete with tango dancers and all sorts of other things that, uh...
- The Chief: [not sure what to make of this] Well, that was... interesting, Greg.
- Handy Handcock: Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Greg Lee: Ladies and gentlemen, Handy Handcock!
- [applause]
- Handy Handcock: [as Greg makes him bow] Thank you very much! Thank you!
- Greg Lee: [still with Handy Handcock on his hand] Okay, guys, listen. Now it's time for you to go to Buenos Aires to try to find Vic the Slick. But I want you to know, what you got to do is go out there, find him, and bring him back. But we don't send out agents out into the field...
- [to Handy]
- Greg Lee: right?
- Handy Handcock: Right! Chief, how about a briefing?
- The Chief: [during the slide show about Buenos Aires] Avenida Nueve del Julio, often called the world's widest avenue. Now, Vic wears the world's widest lapels, and this is the perfect place to show them off. Look for him here.
- The Chief: [showing the Casa Rosada in the slide show] You know, that fortress reminds me of when I was a little chieflet. My cousin, Winnister, and I used to build sand castles. Oh, we'd spend hours on a single castle. And each night, the tide would come in and sweep all of our work away. And each day, we'd return and begin again. And this got me thinking. One day, I turned to Willister and said, "in a sense, isn't everybody building sand castles?" And he... I will never forget this, he looked at me and said, "if they try to copy ours, I'll smack them with my shovel!" Oh, Willister.
- Greg Lee: We now have this next clue coming in from an Acme celebrity... an Acme Celebnet agent of ours. Talk to me, Corky!
- Corin Nemec: Hey, gumshoes, I've been tracking the criminal here on my litte sister's five-way crimenet microwave radio. Pretty chill chunk of technology, dude. It cooks great popcorn too.
- [eats a piece]
- Corin Nemec: Anyway, the crook is in Italy. He's in this big railroad center. It's got the National Gallery with all these Renaissance paintings. Really cool. Prima. It's also the place where that excellent cheese comes from. Ooh, You know, the kind you can put on your pasta or your popcorn.
- [he eats another kernel, then briefly reaches in toward the camera]
- Corin Nemec: Yar! Popcorn! Cheese corn overload. So track 'er down, dude. And cheese up while you're at it.