Lynne Thigpen: The Chief

Quotes 

• The Chief : Robocrook: a brain full of bits and bytes and an appetite for trouble.

• Self - Host : [entering the chief's office, only to find it empty]  Chief! Chief? That's funny. The chief isn't here. I guess I'll just kind of sit and wait for her.

  [sits down at the chief's desk] 

  Self - Host : This is nice. I kind of like this. This is what it's like to be the chief, huh?

  [holds the magnifying glass up to his eye and moves it back and forth, as the chief often does] 

  Self - Host : Whoo, whoo, whoo! I like this. I feel like the chief.

  [starts to imitate her] 

  Self - Host : Greg! You are the nerve center of this whole operation. You're the only one I can count on. Carmen Sandiego is somewhere in the universe, Greg. The boys down at Photo Recon have put together a few slides. Let me show them to you.

  [turns on the screen projector, which shows no picture at all] 

  Self - Host : Earth. Population: five billion. Nice place. Try food. It's a local specialty.

  [adjusts the projector] 

  Self - Host : The sun. Climate: sunny. Don't go barefoot.

  [laughs and ajusts again] 

  Self - Host : Black hole. Roaches check in, but they don't check out.

  [re-adjusts] 

  Self - Host : Carmen may be prowling around Pluto or hiding on Uranus. Search them both.

  [in his goofing off, he doesn't see the chief step into shot] 

  Self - Host : Well, gumshoes, that's the universe. Remember the Acme Triangle of Excellence: my left hand, my right hand, thumbs!

  [make a triangle with his hand] 

  Self - Host : Greg, what are you doing?

  The Chief : [shutting off the projector]  Greg!

  Self - Host : Oh! Hey, sorry.

  [quickly jumps up from the desk] 

  The Chief : Will you quit foolin' around? Now, you and the gumshoes have got to capture Carmen Sandiego! Now, I will give a trip anywhere in the lower forty-eight states to the gumshoe that gets her!

  [applause] 

  Self - Host : Chief, uh, I hope you didn't think that I was, you know, making fun of you. Actually, it was more of a tribute to everything that you...

  The Chief : Go away.

  Self - Host : Yes, ma'am.

  [leaves] 

  The Chief : [taking note of the voice Greg was using]  I don't sound like that.