- Charles Cameron: Best day of my life.
- Elaine: Who says that when a womanizer and a gold digger get together things don't turn out well for either of them?
- Charles Cameron: [to C2] I had you built to spare me the toil of the dating. I'm interested in women for one thing, and one thing only.
- [first lines]
- New Mexico Governor: [New Mexico, 2032] It gives me great pride to complete the great work of securing the southern border. When this project started, over 11 million people lived here illegally. Well, we've not only got rid of them, but this *beautiful wall* will ensure that they can never return.
- Charles Cameron: How am I doing?
- Elaine: The first two hours were fantastic, the last three perfect.
- Charles Cameron: Good, because I think I'm close to coming.
- Elaine: Me too.
- Charles Cameron: You first.
- Elaine: No, you first.
- Charles Cameron: No, I insist.
- Elaine: Together, on the count of three...
- Elaine: Turn on your phone. Google 'August mass shooting'.
- Charles Cameron: It's America. We might need to be a little more specific.
- Charles Cameron: Wonder why they left my car and took yours?
- Elaine: Well, it seems, in addition to vengeance, they've also developed taste.
- Elaine: This has been the worst week of my life. Paranoia, disguises, and now *I'm* expected to bang the 12 douches I'm dating just to pay rent.