- Lynette and Tom uncover an unpleasant truth about Porter; Gabrielle suspects Virginia has ulterior motives; Bree's moment of weakness with her cookbook could bring her great embarrassment and shame; Katherine's not-so-little secret is unveiled; Karen's sister, Roberta, unearths a disturbing fact about Dave.
- "Desperate Housewives" - "What More Do I Need" - Nov. 9, 2008
We pick up where we left off with Lynette (Felicity Huffman) having just seen sexy blond MILF Ann Schilling (Gail O'Grady) leave the band practice room. (Where she was having a tryst with Porter (Charles Carver), not Tom (Doug Savant)). Lynette is pacing the kitchen as Tom returns. She calls him out on the "affair." She says she knows everything. He laughs and says "oh boy." He says he wanted to bring her "in on it," but was afraid she'd overreact. She's confused. He sits and has a beer. He says he's upset too but that "boys will be boys." And he says it's not the first or last time this happened. Lynette is really confused. Then Tom says he found out Porter was having sex in the band practice space (not knowing with whom). Lynette is now freaked out and as Porter enters she yells "you're having sex with your best friend's mother?" Now Tom is confused and Porter freaked out.
Mary Alice (Brenda Strong) is telling us about how desire is an emotion that leads us astray as we see Gaby (Eva Longoria) trying on new lingerie she's bought; Edie (Nicolette Sheridan) trying to resist cupcakes; and Porter squirming under interrogation from his parents. Lynette gives him the phone and tells him to call her and tell her it's over. Porter says he loves her. Tom says she's using him. Lynette says she's going to call her. Porter tells them not to since her husband is violent and could kill her over the news. Lynette says then that he's put her in a very dangerous position. Porter says he's going to call but says to keep it in the family and if Lynette breathes a word and Ann gets hurt he will leave and never come back. She says he wouldn't. He says he's done a lot of things she never thought he would do. Tom says they won't say anything. Lynette agrees but says if he doesn't end it he won't have to move out because they'll throw him out.
A young man enters the test kitchen to a meeting with Bree (Marcia Cross) and Orson (Kyle McLachlan). His name is Charlie and they accuse him of stealing money from the cash box. They fire him and want their money back. He spent the money on pot. He just wants them not to tell his parents.
At a restaurant, Jackson (Gale Howard) and Susan (Teri Hatcher) enjoy their "first date." She says knowing they won't be having sex takes all the pressure off. This time they're going to do things right. (No sex until date four). They trade info they don't know about each other: She doesn't like the words panties, larvae, and chunks and he's a real painter who went to art school in France. He's doing house painting to pay the bills because he has artist's block.
At McCluskey's sister's Roberta's house- she's a hoarder- they're digging up dirt on Dave (Neal McDonough). Once a month he gets a half dozen short calls. After a few days he calls back. He's calling a hospital in Boston, Dr. Samuel Heller (Stephen Spinella), a psychiatrist. Dr. Heller's field of expertise? Treating the criminally insane.
Poolside at Virginia's mansion, Gaby floats in the pool, the kids play in the yard, Carlos (Ricardo Chivara) sits. Virginia (Frances Conroy) invites them to stay for the weekend. Carlos tries to beg off - party for the kids, no clothes- Gaby and Virginia solve his problems. After Virginia leaves, Carlos tells Gaby he thinks it's a bad idea to mix business and pleasure like this. Gaby says she's a lonely, old woman yearning for human contact and she's happy to be that human. The butler returns with Gaby's new margarita and she makes him walk into the pool to give it to her.
The guys are practicing when Dave enters and announces they're going to play a battle of the bands at the White Horse. They don't seem excited. Tom says it's for amateurs and you have to audition. Dave says they don't since Edie has an in. Mike (James Denton) and Tom are freaked out at the idea of real gig. Orson is thrilled. Dave says they really need to practice now and also write an original song. Orson doesn't know anything about writing songs. Tom claims he knows a little, Orson begs to differ. Dave says he and Mike will do it. Mike says he has plans. Dave asks her name and the guys start guessing. He tells them to get lives.
At Virginia's the Solis family watches TV in bed. Virginia enters and asks if everything's okay. They say it is. She tries to draw them into conversation with news of her estranged nephew. When they don't bite she invites herself to stay and watch the animated movie the kids are checking out. And actually gets in bed with Carlos and Gaby.
The "getting to know you" has moved to Jackson's apartment for date number two with Susan regaling him of her tales of being a ninth grade nothing who stuffed her bra and then she became prom queen. Jackson puts on what Susan terms "sex music." She makes him turn it off and reiterates no sex until date four. He tries to cajole her to change her mind. She gets mad at him and leaves. Jackson muses and goes to his art studio and starts to paint. (Ooh, raise your hand if you think celibacy will restart his art mojo and it will be Susan that starts begging him for it?)
At a parents meeting Ann Schilling is trying to get some volunteers to help out with the junior prom. No takers. Ann tries a direct appeal by saying volunteers are necessary since god only knows what the kids will get up to. Lynette and Ann bump into each other in the ladies room and when Ann asks after the family, Lynette pushes her hard and tells her she knows everything. When Ann says she loves Porter, Lynette starts slapping her and saying "so do I. And if you ever lay a hand on him again, you will find out just how much."
Orson is cleaning up the test kitchen when Bree enters. He says he's got good news, he's hired a new girl to replace Charlie. Her good news is the new Christian Reader has a review of her new cookbook, they gave her four halos. They make out in the kitchen and talk about how great working together is and then they start doing it on the counter.
Gaby enters the guest room where the girls are staying and discovers the girls drawing on the walls. They got the okay from Virginia who enters with more paints and markers and wants to transform the room into their room for when the Solis family comes over next weekend and whenever. Gaby says they're busy next weekend. Virginia says she'd be happy to just send the car for the girls then and asks if they want to come over. They do and Juanita thanks her nicely calling her Mrs. Hildebrand. But then Virginia corrects her and Juanita says "thank you Grandma" and they hug her. Gaby is aghast. She goes and tells Carlos and starts packing. Carlos tells her they have to be careful since Virginia's got a lot of pull at the club and he doesn't want to jeopardize the Europe trip. Gaby says Europe is off since Grandma Nutjob is starting to scare her. Carlos says they need the money. Gaby just wants to leave. Carlos says he'll take care of it by reminding her about Celia's party, and their need to go shop for it.
Porter meets Ann at a park. She's crying and upset. Porter wants to help. She's pregnant. Porter slowly stops holding her hand as he looks at the kids playing.
At the test kitchen Katherine ducks out early as Andrew enters and informs Bree and Orson that Charlie wanted to know how they knew he was stealing. Andrew told them they had a surveillance tape. Charlie stole the tape...which also includes video of Orson and Bree having sex on the counter. Bree freaks. (She turned it off, but Orson accidentally turned it back on when he thought he was turning it off.) Charlie wants two grand for the tape or is putting it on You Tube. Bree freaks some more. Her book comes out next month. Orson says they should pay. Bree says she's not going to pay a hooligan and a thief. She turns to Andrew and says she knows she taught him all about respecting god and the law but the should forget all that now in pursuit of the tape. Andrew asks "carte blanche?" Orson starts to draw boundaries: arson, violence, before Bree stops him saying "Orson don't cramp the boy's style."
At Celia's 4th birthday party, the kids are clapping and enjoying themselves. Gaby sees Virginia arrive outside the window and goes to head her off at the pass. Virginia came to take Celia to an antique store to pick out a doll. Gaby tries to politely put her off but Virginia isn't taking the hint. So, Gaby, in her inimitable fashion says the whole grandma routine is creepy. Virginia says she's come to feel like a grandmother to the girls. Since she did so in three days is what makes it creepy points out Gaby. Virginia says that's hurtful considering how generous she's been. Too generous, says Gaby, adding her family is not for sale and for Virginia to back off. Virginia gets mad and calls her a greedy bitch who tried to bleed her dry and wash her hands of her. Carlos comes out as Gaby is saying "get off my property." Carlos comes out and asks what's going on. Virginia says she came to buy Celia a doll and he has now heard Gaby's response. He tries to apologize but she says its too late for that.
A tipsy Susan is being led home from her third date with Jackson. She tries to get him to have sex and he turns her down. She is shocked and saddened.
Virginia calls the president of the country club and claims the way Carlos touched her in her last massage was inappropriate and gets him fired.
McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) and Roberta (Lily Tomlin) call Dave's doctor claiming to be a life insurance company to try and confirm Dr. Heller is treating him. He claims not to know anyone named Dave Williams but the girls get so goofy on the phone, he gets suspicious. Roberta comes clean saying she just wants info on Dave since he just moved to Fairview and is creeping people out. The doctor looks stricken and sits and says "you're in Fairview?" Roberta says she is and asks why. He starts to pretend to say so he can call the authorities to rat them out for perpetrating this phone fraud and she hangs up. McCluskey points out they "screwed the pooch" on that.
Andrew comes back, tape in hand. Bree doesn't want to know how he got it. Andrew says she doesn't, but that it is amazing what you can get a bunch of bikers to do for a case of beer. Orson goes to destroy the tape but Andrew says he should watch it first. Bree is freaked out Andrew watched it. He cues it up, she turns away. Orson doesn't and realizes it's not them. It's Katherine and Mike. Andrew says he's never eating anything that comes out of that kitchen again.
Jackson is painting away at his apartment when Susan arrives in a trench coat with lingerie underneath. She says it's their official 4th date and they can do it now. He says he's busy. She sees the paint and realizes he's unblocked. He says it's the celibacy did it and he needs to get back to it. Susan wants him to hurry up and finish and wants to see how close to done he is. She runs into his studio and he tries to stop her. She gets in and sees he's painted a portrait of her. She recognizes the specific, sad expression on her face and wonders how he knows it. He explains how he knows a lot about her and she says she can't believe she ever thought he didn't know her and kisses him. She says she'll leave to let him finish since she doesn't have hands - in the portrait. He says maybe she can help him as a model, as long as she doesn't mind posing nude. She starts to untie her bustier saying he knows she has no problem with that.
Bree heads over to Katherine's with the surveillance video. Katherine is surprised to hear about the surveillance camera and is embarrassed and starts to giggle and babble about what Bree must think of her and having sex in a kitchen where food is prepared "what kind of demented slut would do that?" Bree, not making any admissions of her own, lets her off the hook. Before she goes, Bree asks if Katherine knows what she's doing since Susan is Katherine's oldest friend on the street. Katherine points out Susan divorced Mike and she's seeing someone else, Jackson, why can't Mike do that. Bree gives her a sisters before misters line and Katherine replies she's been alone for five years and she's finally in a relationship and Bree is trying to make her feel guilty. Bree wonders if what she saw on the tape is a relationship. Katherine says she doesn't know but she's having the time of her life. Bree says fair enough but to be careful since it's complicated and she'd hate to see it end badly.
Lynette comes to tell Porter in his room breakfast is ready. He ignores her. She says she gets the whole hating her thing. He says he doesn't hate her. She says one day he will meet someone more appropriate and then he will know what real love is and when he does she hopes he'll see where she's coming from. Ann calls, Porter pretends it's a friend. She tells him she can leave town Saturday and asks if he got the money. He says he has. She hangs up. Porter turns to Lynette and says he knows where she's coming from and he wants her to know that he really appreciates everything that she and Tom have done for him. Not getting the finality of that statement, Lynette, shocked, says "good! I'll see you downstairs." Porter grabs a cigar box from under the bed full of money.
Mary Alice returns to tells us about the foolish choices we make out of desire as we see Porter count money; Virginia paint over the girls drawings on her walls; Katherine meet up with Mike; Dr. Heller calling to book a flight to Fairview.
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