- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: [opening narration] Big Boss loved big bucks, and he didn't mind breaking laws to get them. But there's a crime that even Big Boss won't stoop to... and that's selling drugs! Here's how the caper came down...
- Berserko: Bulletproof, we just got a call. Big Boss' men are robbing a Mayan gold shipment.
- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: I knew it was too good to last. All right, men. It's crime fighting time!
- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: Two hundred Crystal Twist addicts this week, and it's only Tuesday!
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: Buttons?
- Buttons McBoomBoom: Yes, sir.
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: [about Addictem] Take this piece of human scum and thrown it out!
- Buttons McBoomBoom: Yes, sir.
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: Oh, and Buttons?
- Buttons McBoomBoom: Yes, sir?
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: See that he lands in something as filthy as he is.
- Buttons McBoomBoom: Yes, sir.
- Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley: [after apprehending another addict] Poor kid. Once you were a man, now you're just a mess.
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: Listen, drugs messed up my nephew Berserko. I want 'em out of Empire City, even if that means helping the C.O.P.S.
- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: Hm.
- [thinks a moment]
- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: All right, under the circumstances, we'll take that help. But we work in pairs, one cop, one crook. To keep an eye on you.
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: C.O.P.S. and Crooks. Yech! Disgusting!... But acceptable.
- Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: All right, lets do it. Pair up and get moving. It's crime fighting time!
- Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel: Oh... humiliating.