- Eliot Spencer: What, you think the only thing I know how to do is bust heads?
- Nathan Ford: No! Well, yeah.
- Eliot Spencer: Look, hold a knife like this, cuts through an onion. Hold a knife like this, cuts through, like, eight yakuza in four seconds. Screams, carnage.
- Eliot Spencer: There was a girl I grew up with. But, anyway, she married somebody else, so...
- Alec Hardison: Hot damn. What did you do?
- Eliot Spencer: What did I do? I liberated Croatia.
- Eliot Spencer: Hardison, how am I supposed to get out of the FBI offices with a box full of surveillance tapes, huh?
- Alec Hardison: Punch somebody!
- Eliot Spencer: Oh, I'm gonna punch somebody.
- Nathan Ford: [ad-libbing the wedding vows] And Maria, you know that when you look at Adam, he has to know that you've made him a better man, and that he should probably just give up and agree with you...
- [guests laugh]
- Parker: The downstairs is clear. That leaves one place where the money could be stashed. Screening room.
- [pauses]
- Parker: Go.
- Eliot Spencer: These peaches aren't gonna poach themselves, Parker.
- Parker: [mutters] Sorry, Emeril.
- Eliot Spencer: What was that?
- Parker: [walking away] You heard me!
- Eliot Spencer: Yeah. I'll show you.
- [takes some salt and throws it into the pan]
- Eliot Spencer: Bam!