Matt Chapman: Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, The Cheat, Coach Z, Bubs, Homsar, King of Town, Limozeen
Quotes
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[Strong Bad is playing a Limozeen video game on his Fun Machine, but it starts malfunctioning to the extent of smoking]
Strong Bad : Aw, crapcakes! Not again! I just sprayed three cans of 4W DD in the cartridge slot this morning. Looks like I'll have to take it to the only fully-licensed videlextrician in town: Bubs. Don't worry, my poor broken Fun Machine, Bubs'll fix you up, better than new.
[He picks up the Fun Machine and carries it off]
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Strong Bad : Hey, Bubs, why don't YOU enter my Battle of the Bands?
Bubs : 'Cause I'm not in a band anymore, and battles give me gas!
Strong Bad : What happened to you and Coach Z's band?
Bubs : [showing an album for Two-O Duo, which Strong Bad takes] You mean Two-O Duo? We broke up when Coach Z went soft. Our songs used to be about stickin' it to the man... and kickin' it to The Cheat...
[Flashback to Bubs and Coach Z taking turns kicking The Cheat between them]
The Cheat : [between kicks] Meh!
Coach Z : [rapping] My name is Coach Z, and Bubs is my cohort. So put on your Cheat kickers, and let's kick-a The Chort!
[Flashback back to Bubs talking to Strong Bad]
Bubs : But now all he does is obsess over Marzipan and sleep in a locker. No, the Two-O-Duo is through-o until Coach Z starts acting like an O.G.
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[Strong Bad's band, DÖI, has sabotaged the other bands in the Battle Royale of the Bands, and is about to rock]
Strong Bad : All right, expensive ticket holders! Are you ready to be musically, sonically and, if all goes according to plan, physically assaulted?
[Bubs, Coach Z, Marzipan and Homestar, all members of other bands in the contest, all stare at him]
Strong Bad : Hmm, tough crowd... of people in bands I just sabotaged.
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Strong Bad : [putting a record called "Food-Related Love" on a record player] And now, a moldy oldie from the Pomarino himself!
[music plays while Homestar sings and Strong Bad helps out using different foods]
Homestar Runner : [singing] Girl, we got a food-related love. And it makes me wanna sing! It's a hot 'n' tangy feeling, kinda like a... like a buffalo wing! Bleu cheese or ranch. We can dine in, or we can take it to go. Our food-related love makes me all tipsy, kinda queasy, like a... like a pint of merlot! I used to think it was mer-lot, until you told me it was not. And when we food-related kiss, it never food-related fails. Our lips are slimy, juicy, like a... like these hot buttered snails! Sooo nasty. They're so gross, and buttery, and they move so slow. They're just like me, girl. The way I move across the dance floor. Our love is related to food, and you know that it's true. It's warm and bubbly too, just like a... umm... like a... hang on girl, gimme a minute... just like a pot of fonduuuuuue!
[falsetto]
Homestar Runner : Just like a pot of fondue!
[normal voice]
Homestar Runner : Ohhh, fondue is related to food. In fact, I think it might be a food. Ohhh, fondue. It's so warm and it's gooey.
[stops singing]
Homestar Runner : Fonduey. So truey.
[Pom Pom bubbles in applause]
Homestar Runner : Great? Me? Oh, pshaw!
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Strong Bad : [taking a box of records] Hmm, it's a box of Strong Sad's old records. I better borrow them for safe-keeping; they could get scratched sitting there in that box.
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Strong Bad : Butter plus dry ice equals... Well, I'm no mathematician, but that sounds like the cool-dratic formula to me.
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Strong Bad : [seeing bats covered in butter] Hmm, bleached buttered bats. Sounds like an appetizer at your neighborhood American bistro franchise.
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Strong Bad : [to Coach Z] If you're so into Marzipan, why not tell her how you feel? I love watching train wrecks.
Coach Z : I'm too afraid she'll reject me! If only she'd give me a sign...
Strong Bad : [pondering] A sign, eh?
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[Strong Bad shows Marzipan a coloring book of Teen Girl Squad meeting Limozeen, which he had embellished]
Strong Bad : Looky here, Marzipan.
Marzipan : What's this? Oh my, what's Limozeen doing to those... Oh, that's not nice! Gimme that!
[she snatches the book from him, crumples it and throws it away]
Marzipan : I get very upset when I see women being exploited in the media, even if it IS a poorly-drawn coloring book.
Strong Bad : Poorly-drawn?
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Strong Bad : [handing Bubs his broken Fun Machine] Bubs, you gotta help me! It's my Fun Machine! It's... broken!
Bubs : It is? Well, we can fix that, no problem!
Strong Bad : Oh, good. I was afraid that...
Bubs : That'll be one big sack of cash.
Strong Bad : One big sackajawhat?
Bubs : One big sack of cash. This is gonna be a tricky job. I gotta order some parts, hire some skilled labor, go back to night school, maybe take some tap lessons...
Strong Bad : How am I gonna get a big sack o' cash?
Bubs : You could get a job. I sure could use an assistant grime taster.
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[Strong Bad had gotten Cool Tapes to join the Battle of the Bands]
Marzipan : Here's our entry form, and tell Bubs that our entry fee will be in the mail.
Strong Bad : Couldn't you just give me the money?
Marzipan : Sure. I could also comb my hair with live scorpions, but that doesn't make it a good idea.
Strong Bad : You're right, it's a great idea!
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Strong Bad : I'm sure I will instantly regret asking you this, but whatcha doin'?
Strong Sad : I've finally decided to pursue my dream of becoming a snooty rock 'n' roll journalist.
Strong Bad : A rock... and... roll... journal...
[laughs]
Strong Sad : You won't be bwa-ha-haing after I've sold my poignant coming-of-age tale of my snooty exploits to a snooty independent movie studio!
Strong Bad : You're right, I shouldn't...
[laughs again; Strong Sad sighs]
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[Strong Bad has sabotaged the Two-O-Duo at the Battle of the Bands, so that Coach Z advances on Bubs as part of their dance break]
Bubs : Uh-oh!
Coach Z : [repeatedly punching Bubs to the rhythm of their music] The punches, the punches!
Bubs : No! Quit it! Ow! Knock it...! Stop!
[suddenly, everything stops abruptly and Coach Z realizes what he had done]
Coach Z : [terrified] Oh, jeez!
Bubs : [very angry at Coach Z] THAT'S IT! I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to get back together with a clumsy dumsy like you...
Strong Bad : [quickly] That was all me!
Bubs : ...but I'm never, *ever*, EVER sharin' a stage, arena, or transient men's motel lounge with you ever again! *EVER*!
[storms off]
Coach Z : Well, on with the show, I guess?
[raps]
Coach Z : One, two, one-one two...
[despite Coach Z's futile efforts, the Two-O-Duo's approval rating drops]
Strong Bad : That takes care of the Two-O-Duo. That's the third time this week I've gotten them to reunite and break up again in the same day!
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Cheerleader : Tallen' up those bangs, galpals. We're sneaking into a Limozeen concert!
What's Her Face : I wanna crowdsurf!
The Ugly One : I want to have my elbow signed backstage!
So and So : I wanna sing back-up!
Roadie : Backup? Hmmm... Okay.
[the roadie backs up the tour bus, running over and crushing So and So]
Strong Bad : [offscreen] ROADIE MISCOMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN?
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Strong Bad : [to Strong Sad] I don't know how to tell you this, but someone broke the Fun Machine.
Strong Sad : Someone?
Strong Bad : Yeah, I think it was Someone Jackson, or maybe Someone Jackson, Jr. Can you fix it?
Strong Sad : No, but Bubs has a black belt in fixing outdated electronics.
Strong Bad : [whiny voice] But Bubs will probably make me pay for it... with money.
Bubs : [leaning in] I also accept first-born children!
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Marzipan : "Limozeen" backwards is spelled "Neezomil". Think about it, people!
Strong Bad : I think I'll catch up with Marzipan after the show.
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Strong Bad : I can't wait to take my new coloring book home, and give Limozeen some new tattoos, and snakes, and groupies, and call them George.
