- Quagmire: Hey guys, I want you to know I'm raising my reward to $50 for anyone who can help me find James; no questions asked.
- Peter Griffin: [taking the money] I killed your cat.
- [slams his door in Quagmire's face]
- Peter Griffin: [after the Griffins bail out Brian] Brian, If you don't mind, we'll start thinking about prison rape jokes immediately. I'll break the ice. Hey, Brian, did you do 'hard times' or 'hardly workin'?
- [pause]
- Peter Griffin: Penis.
- [another pause]
- Peter Griffin: Okay, all the pieces are there. Somebody make something out of it.
- Chris Griffin: Hey, Brian, who's your favorite baseball player? Albert POOHOLES?
- Lois Griffin: Chris, stop it! Come on. Brian, we're happy you're out of jail and when we get to the car, would you like a doughnut to sit on?
- [laughs out loud]
- Jack Nicholson: [in As Good As It Gets] All I'm saying is what if this is as good as it gets?
- Peter Griffin: [while watching the movie] Ha! He said it.
- Superman: [in Superman 4] In order to do this, I must become Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
- Peter Griffin: [while watching the movie] So that's why this movie is called that.
- [Peter gives Carter a preview of their anti-pot ad]
- Carter Pewterschmidt: [ending a call on his cell phone] Aw, damn it. That was Fox News. Apparently they own the rights to Hitler's likeness, and they won't have him slandered.
- [Brian has to take a drug test but has just smoked pot]
- Brian Griffin: Quick, Stewie! I need your urine!
- Stewie Griffin: [gasps, ecstatic] Really?
- Stewie Griffin: That is worse than the plot for Baby Mama.
- Announcer: What would happen when a 40 year-old woman put her eggs inside her 41 year-old friend?