Family Guy (TV Series)
Family Goy (2009)
Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Barbara Pewterschmidt, Jewish Teacher
Photos
Quotes
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Meg Griffin : Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?
Lois Griffin : I hope so, Meg. I really do.
Peter Griffin : [Peter looks at Lois, squinting his eyes] It's not, Lois. It's not.
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Lois Griffin : So, Jesus, which religion should we choose?
Jesus : Ah, six of one, they're all complete crap.
Brian Griffin : [Off-camera] Thank you!
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Peter Griffin : Lois, what you're doing is wrong. I want you to get all this Jew food off the table.
Lois Griffin : I most certainly will not!
Peter Griffin : It's me or your religion, I'm a Catholic and I want to live in a Catholic house!
Lois Griffin : Well, I'm a Jew and I want to live in a *nicer* house!
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Lois Griffin : [during foreplay, Lois has discovered a lump on her breast] Peter, we're not having sex. I just told you I have a lump.
Peter Griffin : I have a lump, too, and mine's easier to get rid of.
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Lois Griffin : [checking the mail, she jumps when the mailbox explodes] AHH! What the hell?
[seeing Peter up in the house with a sniper rifle]
Lois Griffin : Are you out of your fucking mind?
Peter Griffin : Relax, Lois. I was aiming for the mailbox. I'm just trying to make a point.
Mort Goldman : [approaching] Good morning, Lois.
[Peter fires another shot, which misses]
Mort Goldman : [ducking] Ahh!
Lois Griffin : Peter, for god's sake! I am so sorry, Mort.
Mort Goldman : No problem, Lois. That's just how people say hello to me.
[another fired shot whizzes past, and Mort ducks again]
Mort Goldman : Hey, Joe!
Joe Swanson : [off-screen] Hey, Mort!
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Lois Griffin : [a Cutaway featuring Peter's "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" phase] Peter, you ready for dinner?
Peter Griffin : [dressed as Parker Lewis] Oh, that's just like the Parker Lewis episode when Parker Lewis ate dinner.
Lois Griffin : Peter, nobody cares about your cancelled show.
Peter Griffin : Lois, Parker Lewis can't lose. Don't even *try* and make him lose 'cause it's just going to be that much more embarrassing for you when you realize that he can't lose.
Chris Griffin : Would he win in a fight with Batman?
Peter Griffin : Well, Chris, think about what you're saying; Parker Lewis *Can't lose*. Heretofore, Batman can suck on that.
Chris Griffin : Suck on that? Suck on this; Tic-Tacs only have one and a half calories!
Peter Griffin : Well Played.
Chris Griffin : I love you, Dad.
Peter Griffin : I love you too, son.
[They Hug]
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Lois Griffin : To tell you the truth, I thought we were fine before.
Peter Griffin : But then, Jesus, which religion should our family be?
Jesus : Six-of-one ... they're all complete horseshit.
Brian Griffin : Thank you... .