Easily the most awful movie made in years. Devoid of plot, good acting, intelligent writing, good action or even good-looking stars, one can only ask why this movie was made. With a threadbare plot based loosely on some kind of psychic rebirth of the Black Knight, who fights crime, the movie rambles on for nearly 90 minutes on nothing but the naked audacity of its makers. Any two clowns on the street could manage more realistic fight sequences than are staged here. The quality of this movie is not even bad-funny, just too bad for human viewing. As of this review, 7 viewers have, on average, managed to give this film just over 5 stars. I can only ask: are you kidding? A high school film class could easily best this effort. If I could have rated it zero, I would have. Do yourself a favor and forget you ever saw this title on IMDb.
9 Reviews
Take this crap down. It's killing IMDb's rep as a source.
Proventus29 March 2010
This movie makes me long for Ed Wood.
The only reason I want info about this middle school grade movie is to track down the people who made this movie and have their Internet cut off.
This is NOT YouTube..... Delete it from IMDb. (I don't care if they're paying customers.)
I'm forced to write a whole ten lines about this to have it accepted as a review. I could write 10 lines but they'd get me banned from here in the blink of an eye.
Here are a few things wrong in the 1st 2 minutes: - No sound effects in the opening fight scene. Well, there is, but only between music clips. - The main bad guy has so many festering pimples, I wanted to woof my cookies. No.... it isn't makeup. He even has a few scabbed over on his ear lobes. - My 10 year old made his own costume for Halloween that was better (really). They should have hired him. - Instead of running away from a discovered bomb, they have time to gaze into each other's eyes, hold hands and wait for the explosion. But it makes sense if it was suicide for being suckered into acting in this movie.
The only reason I want info about this middle school grade movie is to track down the people who made this movie and have their Internet cut off.
This is NOT YouTube..... Delete it from IMDb. (I don't care if they're paying customers.)
I'm forced to write a whole ten lines about this to have it accepted as a review. I could write 10 lines but they'd get me banned from here in the blink of an eye.
Here are a few things wrong in the 1st 2 minutes: - No sound effects in the opening fight scene. Well, there is, but only between music clips. - The main bad guy has so many festering pimples, I wanted to woof my cookies. No.... it isn't makeup. He even has a few scabbed over on his ear lobes. - My 10 year old made his own costume for Halloween that was better (really). They should have hired him. - Instead of running away from a discovered bomb, they have time to gaze into each other's eyes, hold hands and wait for the explosion. But it makes sense if it was suicide for being suckered into acting in this movie.
Worst micro budget of 2009
thomasbhunter1 February 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Yes, all the one and two-star reviews nailed it. This is essentially a disaster from start to finish. The costumes look like something made in an afternoon out of Hefty bags (seriously, I think they used Hefty bags for capes) and bedsheets. The acting is the usual c-movie amateur hour stuff you'd expect to see during the first hour of the first class of a community college Drama 101 course - it's so bad, I have actually watched it three times in two days - like passing a car accident, you can't look away.
Also, keep a close eye on the old man... if you want a laugh, pay attention to how much he seems to be really, really hands-on with his nubile young protégée. lurking in his bedroom, creepily watching the young DK sleep... massaging him.... even some light S&M ("im going to teach you about endurance to pain" he says, having just knocked the young DK out and climbing on him, helpless on the floor)... kind of like a pervy old Alfred, from Batman.
Also, for the first time in any review I've ever written about a c-movie, I have to say this is easily the first instance in which the lack of a competent makeup artist actually broke the fourth wall (this movie and its heavy overuse of close-ups in most scenes came off more like a Clearasil commercial than anything else - the zit count in this video is almost a drinking game in itself - drink every time you see a zit in a close-up). The film actually did not have a makeup artist - only a special effects guy labeled "Makeup Department" (no, Im not kidding - check out IMDb). I think everyone in the film suffered some allergic, zit-inducing reaction to the script. Why they felt it necessary to include incest in the plot, I still cannot explain (no, not kidding there, either).
But, Im gonna try and offer some positives amidst the already well-covered and plentiful flaws of this video (sorry... I can't bring myself to call this a film). First, the music really was not half-bad (this being relative, of course) for such a nil-budget, weekend shoot - if you can ignore the fact that for about 50% of the video the music is so loud you can't hear the dialog. Second, they did try to make the most with nothing and I appreciate the effort. Third, a couple of the actors were not atrocious (the African-American computer guy, for example), though most were.
Far and away the best part of this project was (as is often the case) the DVD cover artwork.
Make no mistake: this is not a Batman movie - it's like Batman filmed by escaped mental patients.
Also, keep a close eye on the old man... if you want a laugh, pay attention to how much he seems to be really, really hands-on with his nubile young protégée. lurking in his bedroom, creepily watching the young DK sleep... massaging him.... even some light S&M ("im going to teach you about endurance to pain" he says, having just knocked the young DK out and climbing on him, helpless on the floor)... kind of like a pervy old Alfred, from Batman.
Also, for the first time in any review I've ever written about a c-movie, I have to say this is easily the first instance in which the lack of a competent makeup artist actually broke the fourth wall (this movie and its heavy overuse of close-ups in most scenes came off more like a Clearasil commercial than anything else - the zit count in this video is almost a drinking game in itself - drink every time you see a zit in a close-up). The film actually did not have a makeup artist - only a special effects guy labeled "Makeup Department" (no, Im not kidding - check out IMDb). I think everyone in the film suffered some allergic, zit-inducing reaction to the script. Why they felt it necessary to include incest in the plot, I still cannot explain (no, not kidding there, either).
But, Im gonna try and offer some positives amidst the already well-covered and plentiful flaws of this video (sorry... I can't bring myself to call this a film). First, the music really was not half-bad (this being relative, of course) for such a nil-budget, weekend shoot - if you can ignore the fact that for about 50% of the video the music is so loud you can't hear the dialog. Second, they did try to make the most with nothing and I appreciate the effort. Third, a couple of the actors were not atrocious (the African-American computer guy, for example), though most were.
Far and away the best part of this project was (as is often the case) the DVD cover artwork.
Make no mistake: this is not a Batman movie - it's like Batman filmed by escaped mental patients.
It's a movie, not a life choice
mrorange-2029 March 2010
It is sad that so few have posted so little. The movie, while being far below A quality,still reflects a few simple things. They were able to find funding. The people poking jibes about their kids being able to do better,or clowns could do better,should seek better employment to back up their claims. The main reviewer should don his make-up and get to work. It is easy to point and cast insults when your sitting on your backside,parked in front of a comp, and fisting Cheetos,all in the name of FILM NOIR!
I found the movie lacking in several respects,but I also recognize that many directors have similar products,bad or poorly constructed, but still learn from such. Uwe Boll comes to mind.
I do feel the film could have benefited from a bit more computer enhancement to say the least,but I have never found a reason to talk down on a director or actor because they lack skill. I do not have the skill nor aptitude to do better,I am sure nor do the other derogatory posters.
I do hope the director has learned from his project and grows from it. It is sad that people who post responses to a movie cannot seem to do the same.
I found the movie lacking in several respects,but I also recognize that many directors have similar products,bad or poorly constructed, but still learn from such. Uwe Boll comes to mind.
I do feel the film could have benefited from a bit more computer enhancement to say the least,but I have never found a reason to talk down on a director or actor because they lack skill. I do not have the skill nor aptitude to do better,I am sure nor do the other derogatory posters.
I do hope the director has learned from his project and grows from it. It is sad that people who post responses to a movie cannot seem to do the same.
Review is for the first 2 minutes
rocketman654321025 July 2013
I could not make it through the first 2 minutes without turning it off. So this review is for the first 2 minutes only.
2/10 stars is sufficient to tell you:
1) The movie is not worth the time I just wrote this. But I am writing this so that you will not watch more than the 2 minutes.
2) If you believe this was a grade school assignment, then it is definitely merits 2 stars for sheer effort.
3) If anyone who was involved in creating, producing and selling this movie are to read this, please try doing something else for your own sake.
2/10 stars is sufficient to tell you:
1) The movie is not worth the time I just wrote this. But I am writing this so that you will not watch more than the 2 minutes.
2) If you believe this was a grade school assignment, then it is definitely merits 2 stars for sheer effort.
3) If anyone who was involved in creating, producing and selling this movie are to read this, please try doing something else for your own sake.
Good fun to make not so fun to watch
lardarseclass31 March 2010
A film like this was obviously great fun to make but to watch it you gotta be something special. The main points of note are the special effects, I have seen better from total amateurs on youtube. And the time dilation effect generated in your brain, this movie should be played to criminals in jail that way a 10 year sentence would seem like 100 years and with no repeat offenders. The writing is OK the acting isn't so bad, so if the budget was a bit higher this movie could have been worth watching but mostly its not. So if you have a choice of 90mins extreme torture or watching this movie think very carefully how you want to spend the time as its a close call between the two choices.
damn, what a brilliant dog's breakfast
ralphtherodent16 January 2012
review scale inadequate for what i want ... 5 out of ten is averaging a 10-and-1 score
i actually enjoyed this beast and hope they do a sequel that maintains the awesome cool ... the incredible Chinese-opera fight scenes, the absolute tongue-in-cheek totality of the thing together with the curious sincerity of the soap opera ... dunno ... if this kind of thing is your bag, u want to see this
that's it in a quick-food-to-go pack
but to be posted i need 10 lines of text, the host site advises
so let me say further that they need to vamp the mad dichotomy vastly further, like the best of the cartoon world(s) or Vonnegut or Kafka or anyone when they're hot ... this baby got mid-warm on the average, but nevertheless with my very high overall praise
special hat-tip to the human vocal quality
also to the US$20,000 budget ... shot in the contemporary LA area ... good job, that
repeat ... i seriously enjoyed this flick
i actually enjoyed this beast and hope they do a sequel that maintains the awesome cool ... the incredible Chinese-opera fight scenes, the absolute tongue-in-cheek totality of the thing together with the curious sincerity of the soap opera ... dunno ... if this kind of thing is your bag, u want to see this
that's it in a quick-food-to-go pack
but to be posted i need 10 lines of text, the host site advises
so let me say further that they need to vamp the mad dichotomy vastly further, like the best of the cartoon world(s) or Vonnegut or Kafka or anyone when they're hot ... this baby got mid-warm on the average, but nevertheless with my very high overall praise
special hat-tip to the human vocal quality
also to the US$20,000 budget ... shot in the contemporary LA area ... good job, that
repeat ... i seriously enjoyed this flick
What do you want?
rawiri4222 March 2013
I wasn't going to write a review of this movie until I read some of the others and became incensed (for their benefit, that's a fancy word for very annoyed, by the way). You know, there are some very negative people out there who seem to expect a Steven Spielberg or Ang Lee masterpiece every time they insert a DVD (probably downloaded and burned for free in the first place) into their player. I would love to know what those people have hanging on their living room walls posing as "art"! I'll bet they don't have original Renoirs or Rembrandts or even Miro or Chagalls or, for that matter, original anythings! (in fact, I'll bet they probably wouldn't know any of those if they saw them!) As it is, they probably have a portrait of a green-faced oriental girl or a print of Constable's "Hay Wain" without knowing who painted the original!
OK, this is not an A-grade or even a B-grade movie if you are judging by Hollywood or Ealing standards. But let me ask you negative people, if you had a son or daughter studying screen production at university and this was their class's product for their final assignment being shown at the campus cinema, along with all the other assignments, wouldn't you be there crowing about how your kid had been part of it? And, if you do have a kid at uni, don't say you wouldn't because I can tell you, you're lying!
If you took the trouble to read the end credits, you would have noticed that several jobs were done by the same people which immediately tells us that this was (if NOT a uni assignment) someone's "have-a-go" effort at making a movie - which, I suspect, is something those negative critics wouldn't have the get-up-and-go to get off their recliners in front of their TVs and do!
As a university screen-production graduate myself, I can tell everyone who has anything negative to say about this movie that, if my class had produced this, we would have been quite happy to present it to our faculty for assessment. Yes, if I had been the director, I might have done some things a bit differently (although I can't readily give any examples). To be honest, I would love to know the story behind the making of "The Black Knight - Returns" because that would definitely colour my opinion of it.
Some have been just as critical of the cast but, again, I wouldn't mind betting that none of them got paid but did it just for the fun of it. Cheryl Texiera should seriously seek a career in acting as, in my opinion, with some professional tuition, she could become a star.
So, no, I cannot give this movie more than a score of 5 but that I WILL give it, because it is patently obvious that it was never made to be a blockbuster and the people who did make deserve some encouragement and credit!
OK, this is not an A-grade or even a B-grade movie if you are judging by Hollywood or Ealing standards. But let me ask you negative people, if you had a son or daughter studying screen production at university and this was their class's product for their final assignment being shown at the campus cinema, along with all the other assignments, wouldn't you be there crowing about how your kid had been part of it? And, if you do have a kid at uni, don't say you wouldn't because I can tell you, you're lying!
If you took the trouble to read the end credits, you would have noticed that several jobs were done by the same people which immediately tells us that this was (if NOT a uni assignment) someone's "have-a-go" effort at making a movie - which, I suspect, is something those negative critics wouldn't have the get-up-and-go to get off their recliners in front of their TVs and do!
As a university screen-production graduate myself, I can tell everyone who has anything negative to say about this movie that, if my class had produced this, we would have been quite happy to present it to our faculty for assessment. Yes, if I had been the director, I might have done some things a bit differently (although I can't readily give any examples). To be honest, I would love to know the story behind the making of "The Black Knight - Returns" because that would definitely colour my opinion of it.
Some have been just as critical of the cast but, again, I wouldn't mind betting that none of them got paid but did it just for the fun of it. Cheryl Texiera should seriously seek a career in acting as, in my opinion, with some professional tuition, she could become a star.
So, no, I cannot give this movie more than a score of 5 but that I WILL give it, because it is patently obvious that it was never made to be a blockbuster and the people who did make deserve some encouragement and credit!
Best $10 pesos movie I have ever purchased!
rudovicios3 October 2012
I saw this jewel of a movie for only 10 pesos at Ciudad Guzman's SORIANA Supermarket, and I couldn't no not help myself that day. I just had to have it at all cost. Haven't seen it yet but for 10 pesos it has to be good as hell. I actually didn't intend to buy a movie that day. I was only on my way to Tapalpa, and I was just going in for booze, but, come on man, it was 10 pesos. How can you say no to that, god! I was actually looking for a reaction from the cashier, but I have a feeling she had no soul. I don't want to open it for no reason, because some day it may be worth a lot of money, but then again, I have a party next week, and I may need to entertain my guests with it. 10 pesos man, unbelievable!
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