Stand Up Guys (2012)

Al Pacino: Val

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Val : They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name.

• Val : So, what'll it be. Chew gum, or kick ass.

  Doc : I'm all outta gum.

• Doc : You can't open a car with a coat hanger any more, Val.

  Val : Says who?

  Doc : Says the people who make cars.

• Val : Are you a real doctor?

  Doctor : Are you a real patient? Is that a real penis?

• Doc : [as Val is urging them to steal the car]  This car belongs to the Jargoniew brothers. I happen to know that.

  Val : A-and that's supposed to mean something to me?

  Doc : Nobody messes with these guys! They are the type of guys that take your kidneys out and not even sell them!

• Doc : [stealing a gangster's car]  This is not a good idea, Val.

  Val : Yeah, well, my life is full of not good ideas.

• Val : [In the confessional]  Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

  Priest : How long since your last confession?

  Val : 60 years give or take a few.

• Val : So how's your health?

  Hirsch : Well, they took something out of me a couple of months ago.

  Val : What'd they take out?

  Hirsch : I don't know. I didn't ask, it's none of my business. But I'm a little more streamlined now, a little more aerodynamic.

• Val : [Looking for the second girl in a proposed meage a trois]  What about you?

  Wendy : Who me? No. I don't do it for money. I just can't...

  Val : Well, we won't pay you.

• Hirsch : Hey, Val...

  Val : Yeah?

  Hirsch : It's like the old days, isn't it?

  Val : No! It's better.

  Hirsch : Yeah! Why?

  Val : Because this time we can appreciate it.

  Hirsch : Yeah, that's why.

• Hirsch : Give me the key.

  Doc : There's no key.

  Hirsch : Give me the key.

  Doc : It's new. It's a button. Push the button.

  Val : Push the button.

  Doc : It's computers.

  Hirsch : Man, this is like the future.

• Val : Oh Ouh! Mount Everest just moved into my pants.

• Doc : My friend is looking for a "party".

  Wendy : Yeah? What kind of party?

  Val : Bar Mitzvah.

• Val : [Just coming out of prison]  You look like shit!

  Doc : You look worse!

• Val : [after taking too much ED medication]  I'm fighting the Battle of the Bulge here. This thing is going up and down like a yo-yo...

• Doc : [These lines are read like a well-polished mantra familiar to all of them]  What time is it?

  Hirsch : I don't know. What time is it?

  Val : It's time to kick ass or chew gum, and guess what?

  Doc : I'm all out of gum!

  [They ritually stomp their feet] 

• Val : I took the fall. For everyone. I'm a stand up guy.

• Val : This is the worst apartment I've ever seen.

  Doc : Hey, it's not much, but it's mine.

• Val : Your place looks like where I just came from except it's worse.

  Doc : So, it's not to your liking. Sorry.

  Val : Not to my liking is the understatement of all time.

• Val : Hey, ladies! What do you say, what do you know? It's me, Giacomo!

• Val : [Just shot a couple of thugs]  : "Anyone else here wants to get shot ?"