Corner Gas (TV Series)

Get the F Off My Lawn (2009)

Eric Peterson: Oscar Leroy

Quotes 

• Lacey Burrows : That was a strong windstorm last night, huh?

  Oscar Leroy : I've seen worse. Wind storm of '85, remember that? Moved the whole town five feet to the left.

  Emma Leroy : Every day a little bit crazier.

• [after Karen gives first prize in the jam contest to someone other than Emma; Karen, Emma and Oscar sit at the counter in the Ruby] 

  Oscar Leroy : I'm sorry Karen. I looked all over for it but I just can't find it.

  Karen Pelly : Find what?

  Oscar Leroy : Your sense of taste. Take that sandwich in front of you for example. Well, it might as well just be an old sock! Filled with raccoon poop! Then you could give it first prize in a poop tasting contest!

• [noticing where the giant letter F from the Ruby has ended up] 

  Oscar Leroy : Hey, you kids! Get the F off my lawn!

• [after Emma loses the jam contest, she claims to be fine but mindlessly smashes her dishes on the ground while washing them. Later, Oscar is setting the table as she comes in with gardening gloves on] 

  Oscar Leroy : Hey, Emma! I thought we'd use paper plates from now on. I thought it'd be fun, like camping!

  Emma Leroy : That's not necessary. Sorry about the dishes. I guess the jam contest did kind of get to me a bit. I'm fine now. Perfectly fine.

  [she walks away] 

  Oscar Leroy : Totally understandable my dear. After all, it's jam.

  [he hears a noise and goes to the window to see Emma has destroyed her garden, the sprinkler is spraying against the window, "bad jam" has been spray-painted on the fence] 

  Oscar Leroy : Oh my God, I've married Cujo...

• Lacey Burrows : Hey guys, guess what? I found my "E." It got me out of a real...

  Oscar Leroy : [interrupting her, stammering]  Pickle!... Bind!... Conundrum!

  Lacey Burrows : Not what I was gonna say.

  Karen Pelly : [entering]  Hey guys, don't take Worts Road. They're paving so there's a traffic...

  Oscar Leroy : Block-up!... Clog!... Congestion!

  Emma Leroy : Excuse me, I have to wash my hands.

  [she gets up and exits] 

  Oscar Leroy : Okay, my sweet!

  Lacey Burrows : Oscar, what's with the word blurts?

  Oscar Leroy : I don't want anyone saying "jam" around Emma since Karen turned her into a psycho.

  Karen Pelly : Yeah, I turned her into the psycho... She went ga-ga the day she said "I do"!

  Oscar Leroy : Please, change your mind. Say you picked the wrong jam, declare a mis-taste! My life is in danger.

  Lacey Burrows : She seems fine to me.

  Emma Leroy : [off-screen]  Oscar!

  Oscar Leroy : [quietly]  Please help me. I'm afraid to go asleep at night.

  Karen Pelly : [loudly]  Okay then, you take care! Remember not to say "jam"!

  Lacey Burrows : Yeah... Jam-a! Jammy! Jam-jam!

  [Karen and Lacey walk into the bathroom to see that Emma has trashed it, there are paper towels all over the floor and "jam sucks" has been written on the mirror] 

  Karen Pelly : Emma did this?