- Nandor is persuaded to reject vampirism and pursue a healthier lifestyle.
- Nandor has a mid-life crisis (or crisis-crisis, since he's immortal), and becomes enraptured with a vampire who persuades him and other vampires that they can become human by embracing the human lifestyle. Guillermo has doubts, and goes to rescue Nandor from the Wellness Center where he's attending classes in how to be a human again.—Gislef
- At the residence, Guillermo is preparing to celebrate Nandor's Ascension Day, the anniversary of when he was crowned Supreme Viceroy for Al Quinidar. Guillermo puts up balloon, confetti, and "creepy" paper, and at each party the others really get into it.
Laszlo wears a turban, despite Guillermo thinking it's not a good idea because the rats were nesting in it. Guillermo opens Nandor's coffin and the others sing and dance, but Nandor is not enthusiastic despite Guillermo's attempts to cheer him up.
Nandor tells the camera that the celebration is just another milestone. Nadja and Laszlo talk about vampire depression, and say that avoiding vampires going through it is best. The others vampires avoid him, and Nandor figures that everything has no meaning.
Nadja announces that they have a Vampiric Council duty that even she can't fulfill. It's collecting Vampiric Council dues, and she doesn't want to do it. They all say they're not up to it, and Nandor finally agrees. He tells Guillermo to not come with him, and goes to a Wellness Center where the vampire, Jan, running the place is behind with her dues.
The clients direct Nandor to Jan, an exercise trainer, who has the participants tell Nandor that he has to dance. Jan says that she's no longer a vampire because she had her pulled her fangs out, as all the others did, and they have become humans.
Nandor wonders how that's possible, and Jan takes him to her office and drinks even though vampires can't drink. Jan asks him how long Nandor has been a vampire, goes out to vomit secretly, then comes and tells Nandor that there's a way he can become human again. Nandor doesn't believe her, and Jan says that it's a treacherous path but the rewards are delicious. With that, Jan eats an apple.
Back at the residence, Nandor prepares to move out and into the Center. The others tell Nandor that he can't just pretend to be human. Nandor has dressed like he did when he was a human, and Nadja and the Guide point out that there are others who will laugh at him. He leaves and Colin goes to get his room.
Guillermo tries to go with Nandor, who says that he's no longer Guillermo's master. Guillermo begs Nandor to turn him into a vampire before he leaves, so they can both be happy. Nandor tells Guillermo that he's grown to have some affection for him but vampirism is a curse. He cares about Guillermo too much to burden Guillermo with the curse, and says that tonight he is just a man. Nandor crosses the street and gets brushed by a car, and Guillermo tells him that the first rule of being a human is looking both ways.
A month later, Laszlo can barely remember Nandor's name and doesn't miss him. They don't miss his constant weeping. Colin has moved into Nandor's room and marked his territory. Guillermo is dealing with the fact that Nandor is not in his life, and didn't leave a forwarding address. He hopes that Nandor is happy now.
At the Center, Nandor is doing jam and dance sessions. He loves his life there and feels invigorated. He wants to bleed Uncle Sam for taxing them, and Jan tells him that they relieve their frustration with evening bike rides. Every night the clients rip out their fangs, and every morning they grow back. Nandor is thrilled to lose at Cornhole, and Jan trains them in how to smile.
Jian admits to the crew that she and Nandor are fucking.
Guillermo goes to check in on Nandor without him knowing, as a friend. He goes to Colin's new room looking for a clue to where Nandor has gone. Nandor has left a brochure with a note saying that he's going there, as Colin hopefully points out to Guillermo.
Jan gives Nandor a promotion to her number two, and one day they will be human enough to see the sunlight and he will be a part of that.
Guillermo figures something is wrong with Nandor, drives to the Center, puts on workout clothes, and approaches Nandor. He claims that he just came there to dance exercise and it's just a coincidence that he came to the same place Nandor is at.
Jan comes in and leads the dance, and Guillermo tries to blend in. Jan finally notices and asks who he is and why he's there. Nandor says that he doesn't know Guillermo, and Jan has the clients check Guillermo's bag and find crucifixes. Jan says that they've been infiltrated, and Guillermo can't be allowed to leave.
The vampires close in on Guillermo, who sprays everyone but Nandor with garlic powder and leads Nandor out. Guillermo fights his way out while Nandor apologizes to everyone, they get out to the car, and Guillermo drives Nandor home while insisting that he's been brainwashed.
As they drive, Nandor insists that the clients are gentle humans. He sings along with the dance music, and Guillermo figures that Nandor has been brainwashed and they're going to deprogram him. Nandor says that he's happy for the first time in decades, at some place where he's been happy. Guillermo admits that he didn't consider it, and Nandor says that he's going to go back to his human community. He discovers that Guillermo has installed silver-lined seatbelts, and Guillermo apologizes and drives back to the residence.
Guillermo bursts into the residence and asks the others if they trust him. He then takes them down to where Nandor is locked up in Guillermo's old cell. They figure that Nandor was brainwashed, and Nandor insists that he isn't. The others discover that Nandor pulled out his fangs, and go to see if there any brainwashing books in the Council library.
At the Center, the clients complain that Jan didn't protect them after they trusted her. She tells them that it's time for the final rejection of eternal life, says that it's time for the ultimate burn, and leads them up to the roof. They go out into the sunlight and burst into flame, while Jan encourages them from behind. When they've all gone out, Jan slams the door shut figures that it's back to the drawing board, turns into a bat, and flies off.
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![Kayvan Novak, Matt Berry, Harvey Guillén, and Natasia Demetriou in The Wellness Center (2021)](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BZWJkNDQyMGYtMmVmMC00Y2I4LTg2MDEtOTA5ZWRiYzc4MzU2XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNzg2MDYzMDM@._V1_QL75_UY133_CR55,0,90,133_.jpg)