Alcatraz Breakout (1975) Poster

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1/10
Only for the die-hards
Sandcooler11 October 2021
Finding a lost Nick Millard movie is always exciting, but I've got to be honest here. Unlike his other films/home videos, "Alcatraz Breakout" is an absolute chore to sit through. Millard tries to go for a serious prison drama here and ditches his classic exploitation antics, with predictably tedious results.

Millard regular Marland Stewart stars as a prisoner who's apparently an expert at escaping. Obviously we don't get to see any of that, they just explain it in one of the many excruciatingly long dialogue scenes. So they bring him to Alcatraz (on what is clearly a tourist boat) to break his spirit, but obviously the guy has a few tricks up his sleeve! Well, actually he's got one plan that requires cartoonish amounts of dumb luck and then another that just makes no sense whatsoever. Escape master!

The only real joy I found in this movie is seeing Millard try to recreate a maximum security prison with a budget of five dollars. I was kind of impressed that we see some actual exterior shots of the real Alcatraz. It's not even stock footage or anything, Millard actually went out and filmed this in his typical style. The interior is somewhat less impressive though. Everything is shot in extreme close-up in an attempt to hide how small and flimsy the sets are. Spoilers: this doesn't work. I'm also somewhat worried that the best prison in the world only has one guard, who apparently works there 24/7. Production values have never been Millard's thing, but that's much easier to forgive when the movie is just dudes shooting each other is someone's back yard. This all just feels a bit pathetic.

As per usual with Millard, it's always entertaining to spot familiar faces in the smaller roles. Dr. Bloodbath, the inspector that caught Dr. Bloodbath, the vampire from "Satan's Black Wedding" and Millard's wife all make an appearence, giving the movie a somewhat wholesome atmosphere. Okay, his wife may not have much of a choice, but these other actors enjoy Millard's company enough to work with him several times. In his interviews, Millard comes across as a likeable but somewhat delusional 'auteur'. This is the type of 'important' movie he really wants to make, action and horror are necessary evils to him. As I said, "Alcatraz Breakout" is really not good, but you've got to admire the guy for following his dreams.

I hesitate to even recommend this movie to Millard fans. I'm a fan and I never, ever want to see this again. They put in on a DVD with the marvellous "357 Magnum" though, so it's not like it isn't worth the money.
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