Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (TV Series)
Sugar (2009)
Christopher Meloni: Detective Elliot Stabler
Photos
Quotes
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[Stabler and Benson are approaching two argumentative witnesses]
Detective Elliot Stabler : Fellas... fellas, NYPD. You found the body?
Ed : Yes, sir.
Rusty : Uh, he did not!
Ed : Shut up, Rusty!
Rusty : No, I was here first!
Ed : Yeah, and *I* opened the suitcase!
Olivia Benson : Girls, girls! You're both pretty.
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to a murder suspect] Do you hear gurgling? That's the sound of you drowning right now.
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Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : [to the detectives about Vance Shepard] So you just let him walk out.
Detective Elliot Stabler : We have nothing to hold him on.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Other than murdering Emily Keefe.
Olivia Benson : Shepard was alibied all day long. Meetings, dinner, then home.
Odafin Tutuola : The same home his mistress strolled out of in living color.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Yeah, so bust his ass on prostitution. Do I have to handhold you people?
Detective Elliot Stabler : No, but here's a news flash. Vice handles prostitution, not Special Victims.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Don't pass the buck, Stabler.
Odafin Tutuola : Who says their arrangement was prostitution anyway?
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Oh, come on. It's the world's oldest profession. I think we've settled on the definition. She got what's in his wallet. He got what's between her legs.
Detective Elliot Stabler : Yeah, unless he got something more. You know, since the '70s, courts have ruled that as long as the woman gets paid for something in addition to sex, shopping advice, companionship, not prostitution.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Okay, I get it. So if it's a back alley hand job for five bucks, she's a hooker. Right? But if it's five G's a month and all the shoes she can buy, then she's some kind of, what, entrepreneur?
Olivia Benson : Times have changed, Sonya or have you not been on Craigslist lately? There are some women who believe that just...
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : I can't believe that you're arguing this, Olivia.
Olivia Benson : Why? Because all women have to have the same opinion on everything?
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to Paxton after she interrupts the interrogation of Vance Shepard] What is your problem? First, you tell us to nail him, now you want us to back off.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : My problem is I want to win this case, Stabler. The right way.
Detective Elliot Stabler : And us rubes don't know how to do that.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Would I be here if you did?
Detective Elliot Stabler : You are such a sanctimonious bitch, you know that?
Donald Cragen : Detective Stabler, that's enough.
Detective Elliot Stabler : I'm not finished. School's in session and you've got a lot to learn, hon.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Oh, hon, if I'm going to learn anything, I promise you, it won't be from an adolescent A-hole like you.
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [When Olivia and Elliot are at the Garb Barn discount store]
[through the P.A. system]
Detective Elliot Stabler : Attention, employees, Will the Master Baiter please report to register one? Master Baiter, register one.
[the store employees look around, puzzled and one employee approaches the register]
Olivia Benson : Not a masturbator. The Master Baiter.
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to Olivia] Detective, how many times have we heard that song?
Olivia Benson : The Ballad of the Loving John? At least once a week.
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Lysette Dale : But I already told everything I know to the detectives.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Tell me, hon.
Detective Elliot Stabler : She's running the show now.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Let's go.
Lysette Dale : On Wednesday night, vance dropped by my place So we could share a cab to dinner. It must have been about 5:30.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : And his mood?
Lysette Dale : Fine. He asked if he could pour a drink, But he's done that before.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : And at dinner, he was the same old super boss he always is.
Lysette Dale : Pretty much.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : And just for the record, you would never lie for him, right?
Lysette Dale : No.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : [re: Lysette's boobs] Even after he bought you that very impressive rack?
Lysette Dale : [offended] Excuse me?
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : [re: Lysette's boobs] Well, come on. A pair that nice has got to make a girl feel pretty grateful, right?
Lysette Dale : [disgusted] That's none of your business.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : Sit down.
Executive A.D.A. Sonya Paxton : [after Lysette sits] Hon, everything's my business. Your boss, your boobs, your belligerent little attitude. You need to start telling me the truth or I'll throw you in lockup where that cute little body of yours will get you all the attention you can handle.
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Vance Shepard : [when he sees Elliot and Olivia] Oh, I don't like the look of this.
Detective Elliot Stabler : Police make you nervous?
Vance Shepard : No, ties. AVU is strictly a no-tie zone, my friend.