- [Natalie wants to hire Monk]
- Adrian Monk: Oh, this check's no good.
- Natalie Teeger: That's sweet of you to say, but...
- Adrian Monk: No, I mean it's literally no good. You can't cover this.
- Natalie Teeger: Sure I can. I just deposited my paycheck on Wednesday.
- Adrian Monk: Right. But I happen to know that that check is going to bounce. So this check is pretty much worthless.
- Natalie Teeger: You wrote me a bad check? How could you do that?
- Adrian Monk: I might ask you the same question.
- Natalie Teeger: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Your check was bad first!
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, there's no right and wrong here. It's all tangled up. One check, another check. It's like the chicken and the egg.
- Natalie Teeger: No, it's not! There... there's no egg here. There's no egg. This is all chicken!
- [at the theater]
- Adrian Monk: I just went to the bathroom.
- Natalie Teeger: What, *here*? Wow! Congratulations, Mr. Monk, I'm proud of you! How was it?
- Adrian Monk: It was magical.
- Lt. Randall Disher: We, uh, found a date book in her apartment. She referred to a man by initial - J. Does that mean anything?
- Miranda: Maybe his name began with a J?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Did you just write that down?
- Lt. Randall Disher: I put a question mark after it.
- Natalie Teeger: He did it! I don't know how he did it, but he did it.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [points to Monk] That's what he always says.
- Adrian Monk: Wait... don't hug me. You're gonna want to hug me, but don't hug me.
- Natalie Teeger: Why?
- Adrian Monk: You were right about Hannigan, he's the guy.
- Natalie Teeger: [hugging Monk] Oh, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [notices Randy missing] Where the hell is Randy?
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, I sent him out to get a newspaper.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You? You, you sent Randy out? Well, who are you, the new police commissioner?
- Natalie Teeger: The morning edition comes out at midnight. They're gonna review Julie's play.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: For the love of god, he's a police lieutenant, not a bellhop! Maybe he is.
- Adrian Monk: You've become obsessed with this review.
- Natalie Teeger: Look who's talking!
- Adrian Monk: That's true. Okay, I get obsessed too, but I can handle it. I've had years of experience.
- [after Monk explains the case]
- Natalie Teeger: [raising her hand, seriously] Excuse me. May I say something?
- [Monk nods. Natalie dances around, poking Stottlemeyer and Disher]
- Natalie Teeger: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
- Callie Esterhaus: This is probably the best night of my life. I could die right now! I really could!
- John Hannigan: Funny you should say that.
- [promptly throws her over the balcony railing]