MacGruber (TV Series)

A Good Day to Die (2021)

Will Forte: MacGruber

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dixon Piper : Any other questions on U-Turns?

  MacGruber : I have a question.

  Dixon Piper : What the hell are you doing here?

  MacGruber : What happens if you've done something that you regret with all your heart? Something that made one of your most dependable allies lose faith in you? Is it possible to, uh, U-Turn, in that situation? Like say you murdered someone, somebody that deserved it and then in court you got really scared, like shit your pants scared and you pinned some of the blame on your friend- who DID throw you the murder weapon by the way- but then that friend got kicked out of the military and was forced to teach traffic school to a bunch of fuckin' losers cause his life went down the toilet. Could that friend ever- U TURN- his feelings toward that friend who fucked his life? If that friend, the first friend, the accused murderer, was as sorry as the sorriest person in the history of the universe? Hello Piper.

  Dixon Piper : Class dismissed.

• MacGruber : I don't mind that you put your penis in Vicki's vagina. But put it in her heart, too.

• Barrett Fasoose : Make no mistake people, this is going to be the most important rescue mission of your lives. And I wanna thank Mac for his sacrifice. I know it wasn't an easy decision.

  MacGruber : You mean the decision to get killed by terrorists and be dead forever?

  Barrett Fasoose : Yes.

  MacGruber : Well, ya know, ain't nothin' but a Mac- G thing.

  [addressing the room] 

  MacGruber : But that's the life we chose. Death is our job. And I know that every man and woman in this goddamn room would make the same goddamn decision that I made 11 times out of goddamn ten. And yeah, it's brave and it's commendable, and it's patriotic as shit. But it's also contagious as the clap. Because bravery begets bravery. And, yeah, this time it's me but next time it might be you.

  [starts pointing] 

  MacGruber : Or you. Or you. Or you.

  [still pointing] 

  MacGruber : Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. You get the point. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. You see what I'm saying? Could be any one of us! Or you, in the back, I haven't even looked in the back. Or could be you in the suit. You, with the thinning hair. Double-chin. Frumpy-dump right there, could be you- it could be anybody! But this time. It's me.

  [points at himself] 

  MacGruber : This guy.