How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Definitions (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : How do you keep a girl from becoming a girlfriend? The rules for girls are the same as the rules for Gremlins.

  Ted Mosby : Gremlins?

  Barney Stinson : Gremlins. Rule 1: Never get them wet; in other words, don't let her take a shower at your place. Number 2: Keep them away from sunlight; i.e., don't ever see them during the day. And rule number 3: Never feed them after midnight; meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her, ever!

  Ted Mosby : What about brunch. Is brunch cool?

  Barney Stinson : No, Ted. Brunch is not cool.

• Barney Stinson : [about the whip Marshall gave Ted]  That, my friend, is the Dominator 8000. The best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy. Yeah, I have a whip guy.

• Ted Mosby : I am freaking out! I don't think I can do this!

  Barney Stinson : OK, look, mistake number one, was taking that girl's question! You don't take questions on the first day, it shows weakness! Mistake number two... was you should have hit that! Dude, your pants were already off, you had a classroom of people to cheer you on, and you can't knock her up, because it's a dream! Class dismissed!

  Marshall Eriksen : Mistake number three, dude, where was the hat? Because if you're not going to wear it, I'm taking it back!

• Robin Scherbatsky : Look, Barney's awesome.

  Barney Stinson : And Robin's more than just awe-some. She's awe-quite a bit. She's awe-a whole darn lot.

• Barney Stinson : Lily, can't you just let us be happy?

  Lily Aldrin : You're not happy! You just think you're happy because you feel happy.

  Barney Stinson : And that's not happy?

  Lily Aldrin : Of course not!

• Lily Aldrin : You and Robin need to have the talk.

  Barney Stinson : Why? Give me one good reason.

  Lily Aldrin : I'll give you twen...

  Barney Stinson : Wow, you can't even think of one. Headlights, deer.

• Lily Aldrin : Okay, seriously. We're at the point of physical violence. Now, will you please have the talk?

  Barney Stinson : Because of that? Come on. That's my thing. I'm always punching guys. Girls... I'll punch a baby. I don't care.