- Jeff Stelling: [live broadcast of "Soccer Saturday"] Roy Kent, ex-Chelsea legend, joins us. Welcome, Roy.
- [Roy grunts]
- Jeff Stelling: Right, uh, what did you think? Did your former club play well?
- Roy Kent: No. I thought they played like shit.
- [the other panelists snicker]
- Jeff Stelling: Uh, our apologies to the viewing audience. Roy Kent with some... salty language. Would you care to elaborate, Roy?
- Roy Kent: All right. Chelsea was shit today. They were shocking. Watching them, you'd never know they were playing at home. They were too timid. They were too respectful of United. They were lucky they didn't lose by three or four or ten.
- Chris Kamara: That's harsh, Roy. United's been on a good run recently.
- Roy Kent: Who gives a shit, Chris? That's no excuse to play like you're afraid of 'em. You could see it in their faces: abject terror. Like children waiting in line for the handsy Father Christmas. Have some fucking pride in your shirt or don't fucking wear it!
- Jamie Tartt: Actually, Mae, would you be a darling and ask those lads at the end of the bar to stop staring at me, please?
- Mae: [turns to the men at the end of the bar] Oy! You three! Fuck off!
- Jamie Tartt: You gotta help me, man.
- Uri: Jamie, you know you're like a son to me. Now you're like a dead son, which means I love you even more.
- Holly Willoughby: [Interviewing Jamie Tartt on This Morning with Phillip and Holly] Well thanks for stopping by Jamie, good to see you as always. When we come back, have scientists really discovered low fat custard that doesn't make you feel sad?
- Phillip Schofield: Sounds too good to be true!